Dear Nurse Dave,
Where have you been? I was just watching Planet of the Apes the other day and I wonder if you think Charlton Heston may have pushed it a bit too far? I think we can all appreciate why he was so upset with the apes but why was he so upset with the human race?
Maggie, East Rutherford, NJ
Well, Maggie I've been a bit busy. I'm enrolled in school and I've been really trying to focus on my weight lifting so you know how it goes.
Anyway I don't think its possible for Charlton to take it too far. Each time he has a mental breakdown and yells out during Planet of the Apes it takes the movie to an entirely new level. His performance saves the movie from being a glass of warm milk and turns the movie into chocolate milk (maybe even super chocolate milk which is chocolate milk with frozen banannas and peanut butter blended into it). From the classic, "Take your stinkin' paws off me..." to the maybe even more classic, "Its a madhouse!" The man just nails it.
Now to carry on with the discussion regarding the human race I do think that Charlton has a view that is a little too negative. The whole reason Charlton accepts the mission to space to begin with is to try to find something better than humanity in the universe. Unfortunately he doesn't. He finds the Apes. He really needs to relax and see the good in people. He's able to do this a little bit during the film by making friends with the super hot mute babe. But in the end he just gets more disappointed. I don't want to spoil the ending for anybody but let's just say it isn't happy and doesn't reflect well on humanity. It also involves Charlton yelling for one final time, "You maniacs!" He just can't stop nailing it.
Side note: Two actors dressed as chimpanzees kissing just shouldn't really happy.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Face off with Con Air
Dear Nurse Dave,
Which of these two Nicholas Cage movies is better: Face/Off or Con Air? Please explain your answer.
Spencer, Chicago, Illinois
First of all Spence its probably good that you limited the discussion to only two of his films. If we had to start looking into Bangkok dangerous, Season of the Witch or Wicker Man we'd have a discussion on our hands that couldn't be limited to one blog post (or even one lifetime).
So lets take a closer look at these two films.
Supporting Casts -
Face/Off you pretty much just have Travolta, who is of course awesome but I've never been that into his work since he left behind the Look Who's Talking series. I felt like there were still a few good ideas in that series and that Travolta left it a little too soon (for example maybe after the pets started talking the furniture could start talking like in Beauty and the Beast. Recently I saw an elementary school production of Beauty and the Beast the kids did awesome except for the kid that played the candle sticks. He kept using a different accent everytime he spoke. The candle stick is french, there is no place for an English accent).
Con Air gives you Malkovich, Buscemi, Ving Rhames, Dave Chappelle, John Cusack, DannyTrejo it just doesn't stop.
Winner - Con Air
Nick's Hair -
Face/Off - Nick just gives you a pretty standard buzzcut sort of thing. It actually looks pretty good.
Con Air - This is probably Nick's hair's greatest performance.
Winner - Con Air
Nick's Character's Name
Face/Off - Castor Troy
Con Air - Cameron Poe
Winner - Tie (these are pretty much the exact same badass 1990's name, I'm afraid of both guys)
Less Believable Plot
Face/Off - Nick and John trade faces and lives then fight each other.
Con Air - Nick is just trying to get home. He finally got paroled but man did he get on the wrong plane. You never should get on a plane with Malkovich. Never.
Winner - Face/Off. I can believe Nick's hair in Con Air well before I can believe trading faces with Travolta.
Most Awesome Action Scene
Face/Off - I'm pretty sure they do some slow motion shooting at each other.
Con Air - They don't have enough fuel to get to the Vegas airport so they crash the plane right on the Vegas strip. It is awesome and just when you think the movie is finally over. It isn't. Here's the scene for your viewing pleasure.
Winner - Con Air
So its pretty clear here Spence. While Face/Off does feature some Oscar caliber performances it just doesn't match up with Con Air. Con Air has better hair, better action and a better supporting cast. So if you had to go to a desert island with just one of these two movies its gotta be Con Air.
Spencer, Chicago, Illinois
First of all Spence its probably good that you limited the discussion to only two of his films. If we had to start looking into Bangkok dangerous, Season of the Witch or Wicker Man we'd have a discussion on our hands that couldn't be limited to one blog post (or even one lifetime).
So lets take a closer look at these two films.
Supporting Casts -
Face/Off you pretty much just have Travolta, who is of course awesome but I've never been that into his work since he left behind the Look Who's Talking series. I felt like there were still a few good ideas in that series and that Travolta left it a little too soon (for example maybe after the pets started talking the furniture could start talking like in Beauty and the Beast. Recently I saw an elementary school production of Beauty and the Beast the kids did awesome except for the kid that played the candle sticks. He kept using a different accent everytime he spoke. The candle stick is french, there is no place for an English accent).
Con Air gives you Malkovich, Buscemi, Ving Rhames, Dave Chappelle, John Cusack, DannyTrejo it just doesn't stop.
Winner - Con Air
Nick's Hair -
Face/Off - Nick just gives you a pretty standard buzzcut sort of thing. It actually looks pretty good.
Con Air - This is probably Nick's hair's greatest performance.
Winner - Con Air
Nick's Character's Name
Face/Off - Castor Troy
Con Air - Cameron Poe
Winner - Tie (these are pretty much the exact same badass 1990's name, I'm afraid of both guys)
Less Believable Plot
Face/Off - Nick and John trade faces and lives then fight each other.
Con Air - Nick is just trying to get home. He finally got paroled but man did he get on the wrong plane. You never should get on a plane with Malkovich. Never.
Winner - Face/Off. I can believe Nick's hair in Con Air well before I can believe trading faces with Travolta.
Most Awesome Action Scene
Face/Off - I'm pretty sure they do some slow motion shooting at each other.
Con Air - They don't have enough fuel to get to the Vegas airport so they crash the plane right on the Vegas strip. It is awesome and just when you think the movie is finally over. It isn't. Here's the scene for your viewing pleasure.
Winner - Con Air
So its pretty clear here Spence. While Face/Off does feature some Oscar caliber performances it just doesn't match up with Con Air. Con Air has better hair, better action and a better supporting cast. So if you had to go to a desert island with just one of these two movies its gotta be Con Air.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Personal Lawyer
Dear Nurse Dave,
Do you have a lawyer? Like your own personal lawyer?
Steel
Madison, WI
My personal lawyer practices law in the state of Nevada and has a long flowing ponytail. He practices in Nevada for a wide variety of legal reasons (evictions are his speciality) and he wears his hair long for a number of other reasons (the guy owns a flying v guitar).
My lawyer advises me that ponytails are a prerquisite for awesome lawyering (a side career in hip-hop can also be helpful).
I for one only take legal advice from men that have ponytails and have serious musical talent.
Do you have a lawyer? Like your own personal lawyer?
Steel
Madison, WI
My personal lawyer practices law in the state of Nevada and has a long flowing ponytail. He practices in Nevada for a wide variety of legal reasons (evictions are his speciality) and he wears his hair long for a number of other reasons (the guy owns a flying v guitar).
My lawyer advises me that ponytails are a prerquisite for awesome lawyering (a side career in hip-hop can also be helpful).
I for one only take legal advice from men that have ponytails and have serious musical talent.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Camaro
Dear Nurse Dave,
Is it true that all male nurses drive Camaros?
Patrick, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Yes Patrick it is true. Most popular are the Camaros made in the 1990s preferably the IROC-Z because then it says IROC-Z on the side of your car.
Other rumors you may have heard about male nurses that are also true include
- Male nurses love Patrick Swayze (it doesn't matter what film from Ghost to Black Dog all male nurses love Patrick Swayze)
- Male nurse love to dance
- Male nursing is always the second career choice
Some rumors that are not true
- All male nurses have tons of chest hair
- Male nurses love the Transformer movies due to their love of camaros (most of us actually feel like they didn't utilize cameros enough in the films)
- No male nurse works in labor and delivery (a few dudes do do this)
Is it true that all male nurses drive Camaros?
Patrick, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Yes Patrick it is true. Most popular are the Camaros made in the 1990s preferably the IROC-Z because then it says IROC-Z on the side of your car.
Other rumors you may have heard about male nurses that are also true include
- Male nurses love Patrick Swayze (it doesn't matter what film from Ghost to Black Dog all male nurses love Patrick Swayze)
- Male nurse love to dance
- Male nursing is always the second career choice
Some rumors that are not true
- All male nurses have tons of chest hair
- Male nurses love the Transformer movies due to their love of camaros (most of us actually feel like they didn't utilize cameros enough in the films)
- No male nurse works in labor and delivery (a few dudes do do this)
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Small Talk
Dear Nurse Dave,
I don't like small talk and am therefore horrible at it. I would like to want to get better at it so I can exchange meaningless pleasantries with other people and make them feel like I like them because most of the time I do, but they think I don't because I am horrible at small talk.
Any tips? I'll take my answer off the air.
Thanks,
Jordan
Henderson, Nevada
I've got a bag full of tips for you Jordan because I once suffered from the same problem. The first thing you need to do is stop thinking of the small talk as a conversation, think of it as a competition. The person that tells the most interesting anecdote wins and that person needs to be you. Calvin illustrates my point well in this strip.
In the small talk you must focus on three goals, 1) inflate your intelligence 2) inflate your comedy, which naturally leads to 3) inflate your self esteem. People naturally like funny people with high self esteem. But to achieve these goals you have to be prepared. You can't go into small talk without a plan otherwise you could end up on the wrong side of the conversation (think about being cornered by a talker).
Here's what I do. I go into each week with 3 stories or subjects ready to go for any situation. I gather these stories by listening to NPR, reading the internet and by living life. You may remember an anecdote I told recently when I saw you. I was dealing with a patient that was refusing clothing and I had to give him an IV. I tried to settle him down a little and got him to lie in the correct direction on his bed. I told him, "I need you to lay still because I have to stick you with this needle." He said in reply with an intense anger or even hatred, "You son of a bitch." I must have used that story 10 to 15 times over the next two weeks. With each retelling I got better at telling the story. The result was that people thought I was funnier than I actually am which inflated my self-esteem. By bringing up stories from NPR I sound smarter than I actually am and by reading the internet I seem more informed than I actually am. The trick is that you don't need to really know anything about a subject, just know that the subject exists.
Jordan, you wouldn't go into a battle without ammunition. You wouldn't try to drive to Montana without gas in your tank. You wouldn't go on a picnic without a basket full of food (preferably fried chicken). So why are you trying to have small talk without 3-4 ready to use anecdotes?
Here's three suggestions for next week
1. Thomas Edison once forced cats to box each other (from the internet).
2. Albums everyone loves (from NPR).
3. Some acupuncture practitioners seem to know only slightly more about acupuncture than me and I've never even had acupuncture (from living life).
Good luck!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Shapeshifting Bears
Dear Nurse Dave,
Do you think it's realistic that a shapeshifting bear would be "a reasonable, mellow, easygoing kind of guy"?
Spencer, Chicago, IL
Oh Spencer if you only knew. The Shapeshifting bear you're referring to is of course named Crush and let me share some quotes from people that know him best. Namely those that read the book.
"I had a big soft spot for Crush. He's just so adorable, but can and would rip the arms off someone if they needed their arms ripped off. He `fan-girl crushes' on all the hockey players, and has moments of losing speech when he meets Cella's dad who is Crush's hockey idol. Crush has so many scenes that were just endearing to me and made all the sweeter considering the amount of insanity he's surrounded by, namely Cella." Jess
"Lou "Crush" Crushek is usually a very laid back guy. But he makes the mistake of having one too many Jell-O shots at a co-worker's party and wakes up next to a naked She-Tiger." Katie
As you can see Spence its easy to be laid back and mellow that is until you wake up next to a naked she-tiger whose name happens to be Cella. Here's some comments on Cella.
"I was a bit too excited to read this novel. Especially when I realized that the main female character, Cella, was in a pro shapeshifting hockey league." Stephanie
"The heroine is not a `lily' girl and I love her for that. She lives - and thrives - in a men's world and respected at it too. Aside from her killer instinct and skill, she is just like most women - single mom, has her own family drama, two best friends at both end of spectrum, and a two job that she enjoys." Bukcrz
In case you were wondering the book is awesome.
"It took me a little over four hours to read this book simply because I DEVOURED it. Yes, I said devoured. It was more than just kick-a**, it was more than a steamy scene in the sheets, it was MORE than a love story, there was so MUCH to this book, it's hard to pinpoint what I loved the most, but I think it would have to be, that this book inspired me." Cassie
"There is no way anything Laurenston (the author of the book) writes should get less than 5 stars. Period. Her sexy humor is a delight, the character development satisfying, and the romance itself makes you smile. There's danger, action, love, sex, and shape-shifters. What more could a reader want? (Okay, maybe chocolate.)" Annette
"I loved this book, it was better than any other book she's written and I would know, I've read them all." Spencer
So I think we can all agree now. Shapeshifting bears can be mellow and laid back but watch out when a she-tiger gets involved. Things tend to get steamy. My only advice would be to purchase some chocolate to eat while you're reading and hold on. Its going to be a steamy ride.
Do you think it's realistic that a shapeshifting bear would be "a reasonable, mellow, easygoing kind of guy"?
Spencer, Chicago, IL
Oh Spencer if you only knew. The Shapeshifting bear you're referring to is of course named Crush and let me share some quotes from people that know him best. Namely those that read the book.
"I had a big soft spot for Crush. He's just so adorable, but can and would rip the arms off someone if they needed their arms ripped off. He `fan-girl crushes' on all the hockey players, and has moments of losing speech when he meets Cella's dad who is Crush's hockey idol. Crush has so many scenes that were just endearing to me and made all the sweeter considering the amount of insanity he's surrounded by, namely Cella." Jess
"Lou "Crush" Crushek is usually a very laid back guy. But he makes the mistake of having one too many Jell-O shots at a co-worker's party and wakes up next to a naked She-Tiger." Katie
As you can see Spence its easy to be laid back and mellow that is until you wake up next to a naked she-tiger whose name happens to be Cella. Here's some comments on Cella.
"I was a bit too excited to read this novel. Especially when I realized that the main female character, Cella, was in a pro shapeshifting hockey league." Stephanie
"The heroine is not a `lily' girl and I love her for that. She lives - and thrives - in a men's world and respected at it too. Aside from her killer instinct and skill, she is just like most women - single mom, has her own family drama, two best friends at both end of spectrum, and a two job that she enjoys." Bukcrz
In case you were wondering the book is awesome.
"It took me a little over four hours to read this book simply because I DEVOURED it. Yes, I said devoured. It was more than just kick-a**, it was more than a steamy scene in the sheets, it was MORE than a love story, there was so MUCH to this book, it's hard to pinpoint what I loved the most, but I think it would have to be, that this book inspired me." Cassie
"There is no way anything Laurenston (the author of the book) writes should get less than 5 stars. Period. Her sexy humor is a delight, the character development satisfying, and the romance itself makes you smile. There's danger, action, love, sex, and shape-shifters. What more could a reader want? (Okay, maybe chocolate.)" Annette
"I loved this book, it was better than any other book she's written and I would know, I've read them all." Spencer
So I think we can all agree now. Shapeshifting bears can be mellow and laid back but watch out when a she-tiger gets involved. Things tend to get steamy. My only advice would be to purchase some chocolate to eat while you're reading and hold on. Its going to be a steamy ride.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Say You, Say Me?
Dear Nurse Dave,
What does it feel like to love and hate something at the same time? Feel free to use Lionel Richie's Say You Say Me to explain.
Melissa, Somewhere in Virginia
Here goes, first lets examine the video.
Lionel Richie - Say You Say Me by sayit
First let me say I had to watch a commercial involving birth control before the video started. Its interesting that birth control commercials always focus on a woman's active lifestyle and rarely imply what the product is actually used for. This commercial used paper cut out animation. Not as fun as those Yaz ads where the girl cuts her bangs and another one paints a wall orange.
Here goes, the video is starting with Lionel rising up from the ground most likely with a few buckets of dry ice going to steam it up a little. I'm assuming Lionel used this song in some kind of dancing drama movie. Lionel must know that I have a soft spot for angry dance sequences because that has me loving everything that's happening. I also love the frequent use of the fist pump by Lionel, it feels very natural like something I need to add to my repertoire. I'm starting to get a more negative feeling from that ballerina dancing guy. I feel like I really don't like him. But then all the sudden the song completely changes and Lionel starts dancing. I'm back in love with everything. Then Lionel tells me, "Believe in who you are, you are a shining star." But still there's more shots of the ballerina guy and now he's got a band-aid on his forehead. I'm assuming somebody must have hit him with something because he doesn't seem very likeable.
So at the end of watching that video I feel uncomfortable. I don't want to know anything more about the movie those scenes are from but I do want to see Lionel make a few more fist pumps. It is a little distressing because I want to watch the video again but I'm not sure I can handle it. Its kind of like that feeling when you're at a buffet and you are already too full but because it is a buffet you know you have to go back for one more plateful. I think that's what its like to love and hate something at the same time.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Summer Movie Preview - July and August
I'm just going to continue on with Ed's question here and examine the rest of the summer movies.
JULY
The Amazing Spiderman - Thankfully the call has been answered. We've been desperate for another take on Spider-man and we finally get it. Fortunately the costume has been completely updated. We get to see the origin again (it's been ten years since the last time). And this time Spider-man fights a lizard (something we've all been hoping for). About time. The only thing missing is the Rock.
The Dark Knight Rises - Yes this movie stars Tom Hardy. This star of my number one movie of 2011 - Warrior. Its unclear as to if he's playing the same character as the one in Warrior but he still is very much muscle bound and very angry. Also, Christian Bale continues to use his Batman voice. I for one vote that he just always use his Batman voice every time he talks. I find his real accent somewhat unsettling.
The Watch - Formally known as Neighborhood Watch. The name was changed due to the Trayvon Martin shooting. It involves aliens I think but I'm not sure. Most summer movies do involve aliens so we can just assume this one does too.
Step Up - Revolution - Continuing my huge endorsement of summer dance movies. This one involves a real estate developer threatening a dance crew's neighborhood. Basically like the Goonies but with a whole lot more dancing.
AUGUST
The Bourne Legacy - Something we all have been hoping for, a Jason Bourne movie that doesn't actually have Jason Bourne in it. Thank you hollywood.
Total Recall - Colin Farrell jumps in for Arnold Scwharnzenagerr. Only this time he doesn't go to Mars presumably because every movie set on Mars in the last decade has been a huge commercial failure.
The Expendables 2 - The fight between Stallone and Van Damme would alone be worth the price of admission. On top of that we get Statham saying, "I now pronounce you man and knife." Schawarnzeger saying, "I'm back," as if his tongue was massively swollen. Stallone flying a plane into a cave. Stallone saying that the plan is, "Track 'em, find 'em, kill 'em." Plus it has Bruce Willis. The only thing I'm disappointed about is that there's still no Die Hard 5.
Premium Rush - Joseph-Gordon Levitt is a bike messenger is some kind of awesome hurry.
Lawless - What do you get when you add the star of my favorite movie of 2011 (Tom Hardy from Warrior and the Dark Knight Rises) with my sister's favorite actor (Shia Labouef from Transformers, Disturbia, Indiana jones 4)? You get Lawless an awesome bootlegging drama that's entire story gets told in the trailer. I really enjoyed the trailer. Go ahead and watch it. It's probably all you need to do.
So there you go Ed. I think you pretty much have your summer planned out now.
JULY
The Amazing Spiderman - Thankfully the call has been answered. We've been desperate for another take on Spider-man and we finally get it. Fortunately the costume has been completely updated. We get to see the origin again (it's been ten years since the last time). And this time Spider-man fights a lizard (something we've all been hoping for). About time. The only thing missing is the Rock.
The Dark Knight Rises - Yes this movie stars Tom Hardy. This star of my number one movie of 2011 - Warrior. Its unclear as to if he's playing the same character as the one in Warrior but he still is very much muscle bound and very angry. Also, Christian Bale continues to use his Batman voice. I for one vote that he just always use his Batman voice every time he talks. I find his real accent somewhat unsettling.
The Watch - Formally known as Neighborhood Watch. The name was changed due to the Trayvon Martin shooting. It involves aliens I think but I'm not sure. Most summer movies do involve aliens so we can just assume this one does too.
Step Up - Revolution - Continuing my huge endorsement of summer dance movies. This one involves a real estate developer threatening a dance crew's neighborhood. Basically like the Goonies but with a whole lot more dancing.
AUGUST
The Bourne Legacy - Something we all have been hoping for, a Jason Bourne movie that doesn't actually have Jason Bourne in it. Thank you hollywood.
Total Recall - Colin Farrell jumps in for Arnold Scwharnzenagerr. Only this time he doesn't go to Mars presumably because every movie set on Mars in the last decade has been a huge commercial failure.
The Expendables 2 - The fight between Stallone and Van Damme would alone be worth the price of admission. On top of that we get Statham saying, "I now pronounce you man and knife." Schawarnzeger saying, "I'm back," as if his tongue was massively swollen. Stallone flying a plane into a cave. Stallone saying that the plan is, "Track 'em, find 'em, kill 'em." Plus it has Bruce Willis. The only thing I'm disappointed about is that there's still no Die Hard 5.
Premium Rush - Joseph-Gordon Levitt is a bike messenger is some kind of awesome hurry.
Lawless - What do you get when you add the star of my favorite movie of 2011 (Tom Hardy from Warrior and the Dark Knight Rises) with my sister's favorite actor (Shia Labouef from Transformers, Disturbia, Indiana jones 4)? You get Lawless an awesome bootlegging drama that's entire story gets told in the trailer. I really enjoyed the trailer. Go ahead and watch it. It's probably all you need to do.
So there you go Ed. I think you pretty much have your summer planned out now.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Summer Movie Preview - May and June
Dear Nurse Dave,
Can you whip together a Summer Movie Preview that lets me know what I need to see?
Ed, Baton Rouge, LA
You've come to the right man Ed. I think I can walk you through the most important films of the summer.
MAY
The Avengers - I saw this one at 10am on openning day. The theatre was filled with kids whose parents let them stay home from school to watch the Avengers. The parents made the right decision, the movie was fantastic.
Dark Shadows - Johnny Depp is a vampire that wakes up in the 1970's and its a comedy. The laughs come from Johnny Depp's funny make-up and the fact that a witch lady has had a crush on Johnny Depp for several hundred years. I'd say let the kids go to school.
Battleship - The guy from John Carter is back with an even better movie. He's on a battleship and aliens start attacking the Earth. Its up to John Carter to stop the aliens and somehow link this plot to the board game Battleship. I think he's going to do it. Take the kids out of school for this one. It is going to be an amazing ride.
Men In Black 3 - Will Smith makes another daring creative choice here. This time the plot involves time travel. The problem is that time travel isn't the solution for revitalizing a bad movie idea. The Rock is (more on this later).
Moonrise Kingdom - Isn't interesting how many movies feature boyscouts in them without actually being able to use the term, "boyscout." This one has boyscouts probably referred to as Wilderness Patrol or something. It also has Bill Murray so naturally I'm in.
JUNE
Snow White and the Huntsman - This is another movie with Thor in it. Except this time I think he uses axes, not a hammer.
Battlefield America - This isn't a sweet alien invasion movie like Battleship and it isn't a sequel to Battle Los Angeles. No this is according to the trailer, "The most anticipated kid's dance movie of the summer." Fortunately most kids are out of school by the time this movie premiers so there isn't the moral question of wether or not to take them out of school.
Prometheus - This one has aliens, androids and ancient futuristic mysteries. All of those things appeal to me on a lot of levels. Especially androids, we really don't get enough of those.
Brave - Disney's newest princess is Scottish and from what I understand she isn't going to marry just anybody, plus there's a bear involved some how. I hope that the bear sings a song.
GI Joe 2 - Finally a sequel that gets it right. Kill off the entire cast from the first movie and then make the Rock the star. Adding the Rock to a movie has worked every time (Fast 5, Journey 2 the list goes on) and I am certain its going to work this time.
Can you whip together a Summer Movie Preview that lets me know what I need to see?
Ed, Baton Rouge, LA
You've come to the right man Ed. I think I can walk you through the most important films of the summer.
MAY
The Avengers - I saw this one at 10am on openning day. The theatre was filled with kids whose parents let them stay home from school to watch the Avengers. The parents made the right decision, the movie was fantastic.
Dark Shadows - Johnny Depp is a vampire that wakes up in the 1970's and its a comedy. The laughs come from Johnny Depp's funny make-up and the fact that a witch lady has had a crush on Johnny Depp for several hundred years. I'd say let the kids go to school.
Battleship - The guy from John Carter is back with an even better movie. He's on a battleship and aliens start attacking the Earth. Its up to John Carter to stop the aliens and somehow link this plot to the board game Battleship. I think he's going to do it. Take the kids out of school for this one. It is going to be an amazing ride.
Men In Black 3 - Will Smith makes another daring creative choice here. This time the plot involves time travel. The problem is that time travel isn't the solution for revitalizing a bad movie idea. The Rock is (more on this later).
Moonrise Kingdom - Isn't interesting how many movies feature boyscouts in them without actually being able to use the term, "boyscout." This one has boyscouts probably referred to as Wilderness Patrol or something. It also has Bill Murray so naturally I'm in.
JUNE
Snow White and the Huntsman - This is another movie with Thor in it. Except this time I think he uses axes, not a hammer.
Battlefield America - This isn't a sweet alien invasion movie like Battleship and it isn't a sequel to Battle Los Angeles. No this is according to the trailer, "The most anticipated kid's dance movie of the summer." Fortunately most kids are out of school by the time this movie premiers so there isn't the moral question of wether or not to take them out of school.
Prometheus - This one has aliens, androids and ancient futuristic mysteries. All of those things appeal to me on a lot of levels. Especially androids, we really don't get enough of those.
Brave - Disney's newest princess is Scottish and from what I understand she isn't going to marry just anybody, plus there's a bear involved some how. I hope that the bear sings a song.
GI Joe 2 - Finally a sequel that gets it right. Kill off the entire cast from the first movie and then make the Rock the star. Adding the Rock to a movie has worked every time (Fast 5, Journey 2 the list goes on) and I am certain its going to work this time.
Chickens
Dear Nurse Dave,
Should I get chickens? Lots of people are getting chickens right now and I don't want to be left behind.
Paulina, Las Vegas, NM
Chickens are always a good idea. Free range them in your backyard. Get a chicken coop. Let them into your house. Have one sleep in your bed. I don't care where you put them but you need to get some. These are low maintenance barnyard animals that produce a valuable commodity, eggs! You can literally feed chickens garbage and then gold comes out in egg form. You can use the eggs to start a business, you can use them in frittatas, you can make a quiche (pronounced keesh), an omelet, fried eggs, scrambled eggs the list goes on and on. You know what flan is made out of? Eggs. You know what makes custard better than ice cream? Eggs. You know what makes my cookies taste so good? Eggs.
Come on Paulina, I'm not sure what your problem is. Get some chickens. Seriously. I know a guy that makes coops you just give me the word and he'll get going. I know a guy that hatches rare breeds of chickens in his garage. Just let me know and some chicks are on their way. There's nothing that's stopping you Paulina. Let's do this. I know two young boys that sell eggs door to door. You don't have to buy from them Paulina. You can get your own eggs. Own this Paulina. You know the problem and you know the solution.
Should I get chickens? Lots of people are getting chickens right now and I don't want to be left behind.
Paulina, Las Vegas, NM
Chickens are always a good idea. Free range them in your backyard. Get a chicken coop. Let them into your house. Have one sleep in your bed. I don't care where you put them but you need to get some. These are low maintenance barnyard animals that produce a valuable commodity, eggs! You can literally feed chickens garbage and then gold comes out in egg form. You can use the eggs to start a business, you can use them in frittatas, you can make a quiche (pronounced keesh), an omelet, fried eggs, scrambled eggs the list goes on and on. You know what flan is made out of? Eggs. You know what makes custard better than ice cream? Eggs. You know what makes my cookies taste so good? Eggs.
Come on Paulina, I'm not sure what your problem is. Get some chickens. Seriously. I know a guy that makes coops you just give me the word and he'll get going. I know a guy that hatches rare breeds of chickens in his garage. Just let me know and some chicks are on their way. There's nothing that's stopping you Paulina. Let's do this. I know two young boys that sell eggs door to door. You don't have to buy from them Paulina. You can get your own eggs. Own this Paulina. You know the problem and you know the solution.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Polyphonic Spree
Dear nurse Dave,
Is it true that you are single-handedly responsible for the virtual disappearance of The Polyphonic Spree?
Grayson, Utah
Unfortunately my efforts to destroy the spree have been incomplete. They continue to wear robes and sing in great numbers. My efforts only limited their output from 2008 to the present. I think they're coming back and there's little I can do.
Is it true that you are single-handedly responsible for the virtual disappearance of The Polyphonic Spree?
Grayson, Utah
Unfortunately my efforts to destroy the spree have been incomplete. They continue to wear robes and sing in great numbers. My efforts only limited their output from 2008 to the present. I think they're coming back and there's little I can do.
Attitude
Dear Nurse Dave,
As a nurse, is there any remedy you can suggest for recurrent bad attitude?
Melissa, Virginia
Bad attitude is a certainly a major problem but fortunately there are remedies that work. These remedies fall into a few major categories including: medication, watching someone with an even worse attitude fail and of course Feed Your Mind.
Medication - Sometimes if someone is going crazy at the hospital (i.e. taking clothes off and running down the hallway) they get a shot of Haldol. This doesn't always work but it certainly can. Many of my more naked patients have tolerated clothes after Haldol (this is a very good thing, in the hospital the patients least interested in clothes are usually the ones that need them the most). Medication for attitude doesn't end there. Antidepressants have done a lot of good for attitudes. Talk with your doctor about that.
Watching someone else with a worse attitude fail - I used to take angry kids on hikes. Something about watching an angry kid kick a rock in frustration and thereby cause even more pain to themselves can heal a bad attitude. What I'm saying is that watching someone hurt themselves is funny and that can heal your own bad attitude.
Feed your mind
-
As a nurse, is there any remedy you can suggest for recurrent bad attitude?
Melissa, Virginia
Bad attitude is a certainly a major problem but fortunately there are remedies that work. These remedies fall into a few major categories including: medication, watching someone with an even worse attitude fail and of course Feed Your Mind.
Medication - Sometimes if someone is going crazy at the hospital (i.e. taking clothes off and running down the hallway) they get a shot of Haldol. This doesn't always work but it certainly can. Many of my more naked patients have tolerated clothes after Haldol (this is a very good thing, in the hospital the patients least interested in clothes are usually the ones that need them the most). Medication for attitude doesn't end there. Antidepressants have done a lot of good for attitudes. Talk with your doctor about that.
Watching someone else with a worse attitude fail - I used to take angry kids on hikes. Something about watching an angry kid kick a rock in frustration and thereby cause even more pain to themselves can heal a bad attitude. What I'm saying is that watching someone hurt themselves is funny and that can heal your own bad attitude.
Feed your mind
-
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Lockout
Dear Nurse Dave,
What can you tell me about the movie Lockout?
Benjamin, Houston, TX
I can tell you it takes place in the world's most secure prison. The prison is impenetrable because it is not on Earth. I can also tell you that the president's daughter is on the space station prison on a goodwill mission. I shouldn't have to tell you anything else you should probably already know the rest of the movie but I will tell you in the trailer there is this exchange:
There's only one man who can get her out.
Who?
Snow. He's the best there is but he's a loose cannon.
Finally I can tell you that I will be seeing the film in the theatre the sooner the better.
What can you tell me about the movie Lockout?
Benjamin, Houston, TX
I can tell you it takes place in the world's most secure prison. The prison is impenetrable because it is not on Earth. I can also tell you that the president's daughter is on the space station prison on a goodwill mission. I shouldn't have to tell you anything else you should probably already know the rest of the movie but I will tell you in the trailer there is this exchange:
There's only one man who can get her out.
Who?
Snow. He's the best there is but he's a loose cannon.
Finally I can tell you that I will be seeing the film in the theatre the sooner the better.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Facial Hair Guidelines
Nurse Dave,
Since i met you you've always had some kind of assortment of facial hair. Myself being a man that keeps a goatee im interested if there are facial hair standards/guidelines/do's and donts that you try to live by.
Nathan, Mesa, AZ
First thing to realize is that there are no don'ts for facial hair. Only do's. The question is what do you want your facial hair to say and then groom it to make that statement.
The Homeless Beard
The homeless beard soared to popularity in a few years ago. It makes a powerful statement, "Hey I choose to look this way. Am I homeless or not? I'm not sure maybe you should spend a few minutes to get to know me. Who knows what I might have to offer." The homeless beard works well for outdoor enthusiasts, hollywood actors trying to let loose and people with real problems.
The Long Goatee
There was a resurrgence of for goatees in the mid 90's and nobody did the long goatee as well as Alexi Lalas (US soccer player dude). I think the statement he was making was, "Hey look at my goatee, you think I could braid this thing?" This kind of facial hair works well for former gang members, professional cleaners and members of metal bands.
The Tasteful Mustache
I'm not sure this look could ever go out of style. The mustache exudes a natural sexuality and classiness that other facial hair can't compete with. A mustache says, "Hey you want to take me seriously, I mean really seriously." This look works well for album covers, weddings and coaching.
The Evil Goatee
Frequently goatees are used to denote that a character has turned to either evil or steroids. The evil goatee can be used for good but it is difficult to harness the power for good (you'll probably need this to do it). The evil goatee says, "I'm the evil twin of the guy you normally see when he doesn't have a goatee. Can I borrow your car?" This look works well for job interviews at banks, hitting 60 or more homeruns and being a waiter at Texas Roadhouse. Be careful with this look.
Side Burns
Now you can go a number different directions with sideburns but I think we can all agree that the only real direction to go is as pictured above. Sideburns are for awesomely hot dudes from the 90's and make the statement, "Yeah I'll hang with you but I'm low on cash. Could you spot me a few?" But honestly I can't grow real sideburns and have always felt the loss after watching all those episodes of 90210. Sideburns work well for guys that are very very cool, guys that are way into the 1950s or 1990s, and Wolverine.
The Scruffy Beard
This is the look I try to go for but really can't achieve. It says, "Hey I'm relaxed, good looking, informed about interesting subjects or at least I want you to think those things about me." This works well for indie rock musicians, fans of indie rock music, nurses, good looking men, not good looking men and therapists.
The Chinstrap
I don't know what to say about this one other than just that I'm grateful that we have facial hair. Everyone can find the look for them. All it takes is a razor and so kind of clippers or facial hair grooming kit.
The list of facial hair looks goes on and on. The Bad Mustache,The Chin Only Goatee,The handlebar, The Fu Manchu, The super groomed. Really Nathan you just have to decide what you need to say and say it.
Since i met you you've always had some kind of assortment of facial hair. Myself being a man that keeps a goatee im interested if there are facial hair standards/guidelines/do's and donts that you try to live by.
Nathan, Mesa, AZ
First thing to realize is that there are no don'ts for facial hair. Only do's. The question is what do you want your facial hair to say and then groom it to make that statement.
The homeless beard soared to popularity in a few years ago. It makes a powerful statement, "Hey I choose to look this way. Am I homeless or not? I'm not sure maybe you should spend a few minutes to get to know me. Who knows what I might have to offer." The homeless beard works well for outdoor enthusiasts, hollywood actors trying to let loose and people with real problems.
There was a resurrgence of for goatees in the mid 90's and nobody did the long goatee as well as Alexi Lalas (US soccer player dude). I think the statement he was making was, "Hey look at my goatee, you think I could braid this thing?" This kind of facial hair works well for former gang members, professional cleaners and members of metal bands.
I'm not sure this look could ever go out of style. The mustache exudes a natural sexuality and classiness that other facial hair can't compete with. A mustache says, "Hey you want to take me seriously, I mean really seriously." This look works well for album covers, weddings and coaching.
Frequently goatees are used to denote that a character has turned to either evil or steroids. The evil goatee can be used for good but it is difficult to harness the power for good (you'll probably need this to do it). The evil goatee says, "I'm the evil twin of the guy you normally see when he doesn't have a goatee. Can I borrow your car?" This look works well for job interviews at banks, hitting 60 or more homeruns and being a waiter at Texas Roadhouse. Be careful with this look.
Now you can go a number different directions with sideburns but I think we can all agree that the only real direction to go is as pictured above. Sideburns are for awesomely hot dudes from the 90's and make the statement, "Yeah I'll hang with you but I'm low on cash. Could you spot me a few?" But honestly I can't grow real sideburns and have always felt the loss after watching all those episodes of 90210. Sideburns work well for guys that are very very cool, guys that are way into the 1950s or 1990s, and Wolverine.
This is the look I try to go for but really can't achieve. It says, "Hey I'm relaxed, good looking, informed about interesting subjects or at least I want you to think those things about me." This works well for indie rock musicians, fans of indie rock music, nurses, good looking men, not good looking men and therapists.
I don't know what to say about this one other than just that I'm grateful that we have facial hair. Everyone can find the look for them. All it takes is a razor and so kind of clippers or facial hair grooming kit.
The list of facial hair looks goes on and on. The Bad Mustache,The Chin Only Goatee,The handlebar, The Fu Manchu, The super groomed. Really Nathan you just have to decide what you need to say and say it.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Perfect Day
Dear Nurse Dave,
What would your perfect day be like?
Toni, Port Arthur, NJ
Toni, I'm pretty sure it would be exactly like this (especially the blow darts at the end).
What would your perfect day be like?
Toni, Port Arthur, NJ
Toni, I'm pretty sure it would be exactly like this (especially the blow darts at the end).
Monday, March 19, 2012
Clones
Dear Nurse Dave,
Did Radiohead clone their drummer and then have him drum on stage in addition to their regular drummer?
Peter, Leicester UK
Peter I think I understand where you're getting this idea from. That's from Michael Bay's hit movie the Island. Where people clone copies of themselves so that they can replace worn out body parts. The only thing that people weren't counting on is that sometimes clones can break loose from the holding facility and cause lots of explosions. If you'll recall in this movie clone Ewan McGregor meets not clone Ewan McGregor and wants help. Unfortunately the clone did not receive any help so he had to explode stuff. I think what happened with radiohead is probably a similar thing and Phil just decided to let him be the second drummer.
You'll note subtle differences in the two bald drummers of roughly the same age. I think its because it isn't yet 2110 (the year in which the Island takes place) so we haven't got the cloning thing down. Also there are some people that suggest Johnny Greenwood is a clone of 50's movie actor Peter Lorre. I think this is possible.
Did Radiohead clone their drummer and then have him drum on stage in addition to their regular drummer?
Peter, Leicester UK
Peter I think I understand where you're getting this idea from. That's from Michael Bay's hit movie the Island. Where people clone copies of themselves so that they can replace worn out body parts. The only thing that people weren't counting on is that sometimes clones can break loose from the holding facility and cause lots of explosions. If you'll recall in this movie clone Ewan McGregor meets not clone Ewan McGregor and wants help. Unfortunately the clone did not receive any help so he had to explode stuff. I think what happened with radiohead is probably a similar thing and Phil just decided to let him be the second drummer.
You'll note subtle differences in the two bald drummers of roughly the same age. I think its because it isn't yet 2110 (the year in which the Island takes place) so we haven't got the cloning thing down. Also there are some people that suggest Johnny Greenwood is a clone of 50's movie actor Peter Lorre. I think this is possible.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Protect the Skin Folds
Dear Nurse Dave,
My baby daughter is really fat, which is really cute. But it also means that she sometimes gets irritated skin on her neck from the friction of the rolls rubbing against each other. Do you have any recommendations for remedying this problem?
Spencer, Chicago, IL
Spencer as a nurse I frequently have to document what I do for patients and use a detailed computer program to do so. Much of the documentation involves just clicking on boxes with standard interventions given to patients already typed in the program. Like I might click on "elevation" as an intervention performed on a swollen leg. Other common interventions to click on are perineal care, control temperature, moisturize and of course protect the skin folds.
Skin folds can be dangerous and terrifying. I've heard tales of remote controls and sandwiches being found in skin folds (seriously). Mostly I've just found fungus (serious amounts). Things I've commonly done to protect the skin folds include using moisturizer, using baby powder, using anti-fungal powder (for more information about fungus fighting I would suggest you consult Dan Jennejohn, that guy has had athlete's foot for over a decade). So really Spence you've got to protect the skin folds in whatever way feels best to you. I just know that more often than not that when I lift a skin fold I throw some powder in there.
Also you may want to get your baby involved in face and neck yoga. From what I understand that can eleminate wrinkles and before long your baby will no longer have to wear turtle necks to hide those unsightly neck folds. Also here's the fastest way to get six pack abs (if you don't start them young they will never get six pack abs, I'm still upset that my parents didn't get me an ab rocker until I was 17).
My baby daughter is really fat, which is really cute. But it also means that she sometimes gets irritated skin on her neck from the friction of the rolls rubbing against each other. Do you have any recommendations for remedying this problem?
Spencer, Chicago, IL
Spencer as a nurse I frequently have to document what I do for patients and use a detailed computer program to do so. Much of the documentation involves just clicking on boxes with standard interventions given to patients already typed in the program. Like I might click on "elevation" as an intervention performed on a swollen leg. Other common interventions to click on are perineal care, control temperature, moisturize and of course protect the skin folds.
Skin folds can be dangerous and terrifying. I've heard tales of remote controls and sandwiches being found in skin folds (seriously). Mostly I've just found fungus (serious amounts). Things I've commonly done to protect the skin folds include using moisturizer, using baby powder, using anti-fungal powder (for more information about fungus fighting I would suggest you consult Dan Jennejohn, that guy has had athlete's foot for over a decade). So really Spence you've got to protect the skin folds in whatever way feels best to you. I just know that more often than not that when I lift a skin fold I throw some powder in there.
Also you may want to get your baby involved in face and neck yoga. From what I understand that can eleminate wrinkles and before long your baby will no longer have to wear turtle necks to hide those unsightly neck folds. Also here's the fastest way to get six pack abs (if you don't start them young they will never get six pack abs, I'm still upset that my parents didn't get me an ab rocker until I was 17).
Thursday, March 8, 2012
The Casual Man
Dear nurse Dave,
How can I incorporate more "n's" into my vocabulary? You know, like when people mean to say "and" but they also want to reassure you that they are off the clock?
Grayson
Grayson, I think I know what you're really asking. You're asking, how do I become the Casual Man? The first thing you need to do is reevaluate your wardrobe. I'll first point you to the Dockers website. Those guys pretty much own casual Friday. Anything from Dockers will get you going where you want to be. Other casual clothes you should probably work into your rotation include - velour, corduroy, scarves, vests and of course velour. My velour tracksuit has never let me down.
The next step is the casual haircut. You need to look like you're not trying but even more than that you need to not be trying. So you could try the buzz cut, the floppy cut(in some circles known as the Hugh Grant) or the I sleep on the floor cut. I recently went from the Hugh Grant to the buzz cut. Both casual, both tasteful and both work well with Dockers kakis.
Also a casual man needs casual hobbies. Some to choose from - bocce ball, guitar (not the kind where you can play anything just the kind where you can only play one song and that song is "life is a highway"), reading magazines at a bookstore, talking about going hiking or finally of course modeling.
This all leads back to your original question involving casual speech. The clothes, haircut and hobbies should just lead you into casual speech. Casual speech includes dropping letters from words, intentionally using poor grammar and taking lots of long pauses. Also touch your face a lot when you speak. There is a casual element to face touching that you may be missing.
Grayson if you put that all together you will become the Casual Man and may soon find yourself in a Dockers ad without even knowing it.
How can I incorporate more "n's" into my vocabulary? You know, like when people mean to say "and" but they also want to reassure you that they are off the clock?
Grayson
Grayson, I think I know what you're really asking. You're asking, how do I become the Casual Man? The first thing you need to do is reevaluate your wardrobe. I'll first point you to the Dockers website. Those guys pretty much own casual Friday. Anything from Dockers will get you going where you want to be. Other casual clothes you should probably work into your rotation include - velour, corduroy, scarves, vests and of course velour. My velour tracksuit has never let me down.
The next step is the casual haircut. You need to look like you're not trying but even more than that you need to not be trying. So you could try the buzz cut, the floppy cut(in some circles known as the Hugh Grant) or the I sleep on the floor cut. I recently went from the Hugh Grant to the buzz cut. Both casual, both tasteful and both work well with Dockers kakis.
Also a casual man needs casual hobbies. Some to choose from - bocce ball, guitar (not the kind where you can play anything just the kind where you can only play one song and that song is "life is a highway"), reading magazines at a bookstore, talking about going hiking or finally of course modeling.
This all leads back to your original question involving casual speech. The clothes, haircut and hobbies should just lead you into casual speech. Casual speech includes dropping letters from words, intentionally using poor grammar and taking lots of long pauses. Also touch your face a lot when you speak. There is a casual element to face touching that you may be missing.
Grayson if you put that all together you will become the Casual Man and may soon find yourself in a Dockers ad without even knowing it.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Love Holiday
Nurse Dave,
As the holiday of love just passed, I have a question for you. Have you ever had a male friend dress in all pink, including tights, wear a gigantic pink cardboard heart that says "luv u" on it, and parade around campus on Valentine's Day?
Just curious. I think we could all benefit from friends like that.
Your biggest fan,
Courtney Hohl Morris
Sorry about the lateness in the response Courtney. I'm still getting over my two week celebration of Valentine's Day. I can't really get enough of the holiday and I love tiny heart shaped confetti. I love Valentine's Day so much that I can even forgive the awful taste of Conversation Hearts (I just think we can do better). If my hospital allowed me to wear anything other than navy blue scrubs you can be assured there would be a lot of hearts on my scrubs (or at least a tasteful zebra print). In the end I'm in favor of any holiday that celebrates love.
I do happen to remember that guy with the tights. From what I understand he still wears them every Valentine's Day and they were a hit at the Boys Ranch that he currently works at. I also think there are plans to get tights that match each major holiday. May I suggest green for St. Patricks Day in a couple of weeks?
Finally some suggestions for next year (or just for your next romantic date)
1. Don't go out for steak and don't do sushi either, split the difference get some humus
2. Cooking dinner at home can be romantic. From what I understand the onion is the most sensual of the roots.
3. Dancing is the way to a woman's heart (Just this morning there was dancing at my house to this song. The part about how hard times come and hard times go is very much true.)
4. Sunsets are good.
5. Watch any movie based on a Nicholas Sparks book. I've only ever seen A Walk to Remember but when he gave her that sweater I began to understand what love was really about.
6. Go on a walk (this can be nice even if you didn't just give or receive a sweater).
7. Buy her a nice sweater (or him!)
8. Sing to her, sweetly.
Valentines 2012 (Nurse Dave on the left, Mrs. Nurse Dave on the right)
As the holiday of love just passed, I have a question for you. Have you ever had a male friend dress in all pink, including tights, wear a gigantic pink cardboard heart that says "luv u" on it, and parade around campus on Valentine's Day?
Just curious. I think we could all benefit from friends like that.
Your biggest fan,
Courtney Hohl Morris
Sorry about the lateness in the response Courtney. I'm still getting over my two week celebration of Valentine's Day. I can't really get enough of the holiday and I love tiny heart shaped confetti. I love Valentine's Day so much that I can even forgive the awful taste of Conversation Hearts (I just think we can do better). If my hospital allowed me to wear anything other than navy blue scrubs you can be assured there would be a lot of hearts on my scrubs (or at least a tasteful zebra print). In the end I'm in favor of any holiday that celebrates love.
I do happen to remember that guy with the tights. From what I understand he still wears them every Valentine's Day and they were a hit at the Boys Ranch that he currently works at. I also think there are plans to get tights that match each major holiday. May I suggest green for St. Patricks Day in a couple of weeks?
Finally some suggestions for next year (or just for your next romantic date)
1. Don't go out for steak and don't do sushi either, split the difference get some humus
2. Cooking dinner at home can be romantic. From what I understand the onion is the most sensual of the roots.
3. Dancing is the way to a woman's heart (Just this morning there was dancing at my house to this song. The part about how hard times come and hard times go is very much true.)
4. Sunsets are good.
5. Watch any movie based on a Nicholas Sparks book. I've only ever seen A Walk to Remember but when he gave her that sweater I began to understand what love was really about.
6. Go on a walk (this can be nice even if you didn't just give or receive a sweater).
7. Buy her a nice sweater (or him!)
8. Sing to her, sweetly.
Bed Sores
Dear Nurse Dave,
What are bed sores and is this something I need to worry about?
Mitchell, Winthrop, MA
Mitchell you probably don't need to worry about them but bed sores are very real. In the nursing industry we call them pressure ulcers. They come in four stages and happen to people that can't move themselves. People with spinal injuries commonly get pressure ulcers but pressure ulcers can happen in other ways too. For example patients on ventilators usually are given enough sedation that they don't actually move themselves so without constant repositioning they can develop sores. It is generally accepted practice to "turn" the patient every 2 hours. The worst ones that I've seen have happened outside the hospital and bone has been peaking through. These sores generally occur at points on the body where there is constant pressure. Like the coccyx.
Good luck Mitchell and stay off your backside!
What are bed sores and is this something I need to worry about?
Mitchell, Winthrop, MA
Mitchell you probably don't need to worry about them but bed sores are very real. In the nursing industry we call them pressure ulcers. They come in four stages and happen to people that can't move themselves. People with spinal injuries commonly get pressure ulcers but pressure ulcers can happen in other ways too. For example patients on ventilators usually are given enough sedation that they don't actually move themselves so without constant repositioning they can develop sores. It is generally accepted practice to "turn" the patient every 2 hours. The worst ones that I've seen have happened outside the hospital and bone has been peaking through. These sores generally occur at points on the body where there is constant pressure. Like the coccyx.
Good luck Mitchell and stay off your backside!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Warrior?
Dear Nurse Dave,
Please express any thoughts you may have on the film Warrior.
Dave, Mesa, AZ
Yes this email is from myself and yes I just saw warrior on Saturday night I think and yes I almost cried during the final scene. Rarely in film do you see such a powerful mix of awesome fighting and legitimate acting. Its as if they wrote a movie for Vin Diesel and Paul Walker but instead decided to cast real actors. Rarely do I see a film where upon finishing it I immediately watch the final scene again. Rarely do I stand up and cheer in my home during a movie. Rarely do movies teach such powerful lessons like - never tap out until your opponent says "I love you." I'm a little hesitant to say this but I think Fast 5 has just taken a step down the list of my favorite movies of 2011. Warrior is now number 1.
Please express any thoughts you may have on the film Warrior.
Dave, Mesa, AZ
Yes this email is from myself and yes I just saw warrior on Saturday night I think and yes I almost cried during the final scene. Rarely in film do you see such a powerful mix of awesome fighting and legitimate acting. Its as if they wrote a movie for Vin Diesel and Paul Walker but instead decided to cast real actors. Rarely do I see a film where upon finishing it I immediately watch the final scene again. Rarely do I stand up and cheer in my home during a movie. Rarely do movies teach such powerful lessons like - never tap out until your opponent says "I love you." I'm a little hesitant to say this but I think Fast 5 has just taken a step down the list of my favorite movies of 2011. Warrior is now number 1.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
State Rankings
Dear Nurse Dave,
Can you rank in order the states that you lived in and give a reason for the ranking? I'm thinking of moving.
Barry, Cincinnati, OH
Forget that I'm going 1 to 50 here Barry. I've been to almost all of these states so I'd consider myself an expert. Sorry Barry but Ohio isn't very high on the list. First you have to know that mountains > beach. Secondly it hurts me to rank California so high but I have no choice. It is a fantastic state. Finally I could probably be convinced to change the ranking of almost any of these states, really its a honor just to be on the list.
1. Arizona - The most sunshine and the most saguaro cactus.
2. Utah - I once ran out of gas at squaw peak just outside Provo, UT. The view was amazing.
3. Colorado - I once got stuck on a rollercoaster in Denver in a near vertical position for about 45 minutes. Even that didn't ruin colorado.
4. California - Ignore the part where guys there call everyone "bro" and then you've probably got the best state in the union.
5. New Mexico - Val Kilmer lives here.
6. Virginia - One time I went on a run from my house to the Lincoln memorial.
7. Washington - I love apples.
8. New York - New York City is overrated but the rest of the state is probably underrated.
9 Wyoming - I've been to Yellowstone.
10 North Carolina - I've just got a good feeling about this place. I don't know why.
11 Massachusetts - A very difficult state to spell.
12 Louisiana - When we visit my relatives there is usually some kind of fish fry that happens where we fry everything. That is awesome.
13 Montana - Just watch Lonesome Dove and you'll understand. Plus don't worry about reading Lonesome Dove. The miniseries is better.
14 Tennessee - I like this song.
15/16 Vermont/New Hampshire - I'm not sure what the difference between these states is but I like both of them.
17 Oregon - There's some kind of attitude there that I'm not sure I like but I think they filmed the goonies there.
18 Alaska - Never been there but I've heard bizarre stories of moose blood flowing through the streets during the spring thaw.
19 Hawaii - Beautiful but hard to reach.
20 Wisconsin - I've heard good things about the custard there.
21 Illinois - People really like Chicago. I like the burger place in Phoenix run by a guy from Chicago. Also I really don't like the band Chicago.
22 Minnesota - All those lakes have to be pretty cool.
23 Idaho - If I was interested in farming I think it would be potato farming.
24 Maine - Beautiful in the summer from what I understand.
25 South Carolina - Sorry to have you so far below North Carolina. It probably isn't the first time.
26 Pennsylvania - Should this state be higher? Probably not.
27 Maryland - I just don't like the traffic in this entire state.
28 Connecticut - I forgot about this one.
29 Nebraska - If you've got to go midwest why not here?
30 Texas - People in Texas really love Texas. That enthusiasm alone should help. And it does. That's how it made the top 30.
31 Rhode Island - One of the original 13.
32 Florida - I saw an alligator here.
33 Michigan - Check out these sand dunes.
34 South Dakota - Mount Rushmore seems like a cry for attention.
35 Kentucky - We can thank Kentucky for one of Neil's greatest songs.
36 Georgia - They make Coke here.
37 Kansas - You made the top 40 Kansas!
38 Missouri - This state should be much higher on the list thanks to Branson alone. But due to the fact that I had three years of education in the Kansas school system I am obligated to rank Missouri lower than Kansas. Its what they teach in Kansas.
39 New Jersey - Really good pizza.
40 Alabama - I was born here.
41 Iowa - Just found out the Corn Palace isn't in Iowa. Iowa dropped pretty far down the list for that.
42 West Virginia - Thanks for all the hard work West Virginia and staying with the Union for the Civil War was a bold choice.
43 Ohio - Still am upset about that speeding ticket I got here.
44 North Dakota - One of the two states I've never been to.
45 Indiana - Just watched Hoosiers.
46 Arkansas - I once knew a girl from here. We stayed at her house and I slept in a waterbed there.
47 Oklahoma - I saw the Flaming Lips on New Years Eve in Oklahoma City. It was somewhat disturbing but the City was nice.
48 Delaware - I'm not sure what happens in Delaware other than a lot of Dunkin Donuts being consumed.
49 Mississippi - You're not last Mississsippi!
50 Nevada - Sorry Nevada. The whole state just makes me feel uncomfortable.
Can you rank in order the states that you lived in and give a reason for the ranking? I'm thinking of moving.
Barry, Cincinnati, OH
Forget that I'm going 1 to 50 here Barry. I've been to almost all of these states so I'd consider myself an expert. Sorry Barry but Ohio isn't very high on the list. First you have to know that mountains > beach. Secondly it hurts me to rank California so high but I have no choice. It is a fantastic state. Finally I could probably be convinced to change the ranking of almost any of these states, really its a honor just to be on the list.
1. Arizona - The most sunshine and the most saguaro cactus.
2. Utah - I once ran out of gas at squaw peak just outside Provo, UT. The view was amazing.
3. Colorado - I once got stuck on a rollercoaster in Denver in a near vertical position for about 45 minutes. Even that didn't ruin colorado.
4. California - Ignore the part where guys there call everyone "bro" and then you've probably got the best state in the union.
5. New Mexico - Val Kilmer lives here.
6. Virginia - One time I went on a run from my house to the Lincoln memorial.
7. Washington - I love apples.
8. New York - New York City is overrated but the rest of the state is probably underrated.
9 Wyoming - I've been to Yellowstone.
10 North Carolina - I've just got a good feeling about this place. I don't know why.
11 Massachusetts - A very difficult state to spell.
12 Louisiana - When we visit my relatives there is usually some kind of fish fry that happens where we fry everything. That is awesome.
13 Montana - Just watch Lonesome Dove and you'll understand. Plus don't worry about reading Lonesome Dove. The miniseries is better.
14 Tennessee - I like this song.
15/16 Vermont/New Hampshire - I'm not sure what the difference between these states is but I like both of them.
17 Oregon - There's some kind of attitude there that I'm not sure I like but I think they filmed the goonies there.
18 Alaska - Never been there but I've heard bizarre stories of moose blood flowing through the streets during the spring thaw.
19 Hawaii - Beautiful but hard to reach.
20 Wisconsin - I've heard good things about the custard there.
21 Illinois - People really like Chicago. I like the burger place in Phoenix run by a guy from Chicago. Also I really don't like the band Chicago.
22 Minnesota - All those lakes have to be pretty cool.
23 Idaho - If I was interested in farming I think it would be potato farming.
24 Maine - Beautiful in the summer from what I understand.
25 South Carolina - Sorry to have you so far below North Carolina. It probably isn't the first time.
26 Pennsylvania - Should this state be higher? Probably not.
27 Maryland - I just don't like the traffic in this entire state.
28 Connecticut - I forgot about this one.
29 Nebraska - If you've got to go midwest why not here?
30 Texas - People in Texas really love Texas. That enthusiasm alone should help. And it does. That's how it made the top 30.
31 Rhode Island - One of the original 13.
32 Florida - I saw an alligator here.
33 Michigan - Check out these sand dunes.
34 South Dakota - Mount Rushmore seems like a cry for attention.
35 Kentucky - We can thank Kentucky for one of Neil's greatest songs.
36 Georgia - They make Coke here.
37 Kansas - You made the top 40 Kansas!
38 Missouri - This state should be much higher on the list thanks to Branson alone. But due to the fact that I had three years of education in the Kansas school system I am obligated to rank Missouri lower than Kansas. Its what they teach in Kansas.
39 New Jersey - Really good pizza.
40 Alabama - I was born here.
41 Iowa - Just found out the Corn Palace isn't in Iowa. Iowa dropped pretty far down the list for that.
42 West Virginia - Thanks for all the hard work West Virginia and staying with the Union for the Civil War was a bold choice.
43 Ohio - Still am upset about that speeding ticket I got here.
44 North Dakota - One of the two states I've never been to.
45 Indiana - Just watched Hoosiers.
46 Arkansas - I once knew a girl from here. We stayed at her house and I slept in a waterbed there.
47 Oklahoma - I saw the Flaming Lips on New Years Eve in Oklahoma City. It was somewhat disturbing but the City was nice.
48 Delaware - I'm not sure what happens in Delaware other than a lot of Dunkin Donuts being consumed.
49 Mississippi - You're not last Mississsippi!
50 Nevada - Sorry Nevada. The whole state just makes me feel uncomfortable.
Friday, January 27, 2012
more quick ones
I'm emptying out a few stockpiled questions again here...
Dear Nurse Dave,
What's your thoughts on gambling?
Jerry, Reno, NV
Jerry don't get involved. Gambling will seduce you with the excitement and the bright lights but in the end you find yourself hanging out at a horse track by yourself giving pointers to underage gamblers. Sure the underage kids might think you're cool and think it is awesome when you buy them a beer but you'll know Jerry, you'll know it isn't cool. But on the plus side there is this.
Dear Nurse Dave,
If you could pull off any hair style what would it be?
Alan, Madison, Wisconsin
There's really only one choice. Directly slicked back and tastefully done. Probably while wearing a suit. I'm just not sure what product to use and how much training of the hair it would take.
Dear Nurse Dave,
What's your favorite color?
Pierre, New Orleans, LA
Brown. There's really no place else you could go, except for possibly green which is obviously my second favorite color.
Dear Nurse Dave,
What's a flexi-seal?
Daryl, Atlanta, GA
Well Daryl you probably know what a urinary catheter is. The flexi-seal is the same sort of idea but it collects fecal matter rather than urine.
Dear Nurse Dave,
Is it true that after a while in the medical field you no longer have any problems discussing anything over dinner?
Patti, LA, CA
It is true Patti. This is known as the flexi-seal effect. Meaning that you know you can discuss anything over dinner if you are comfortable with discussing the flexi-seal and then taking a bite of the delicious broiled lamb on your plate. I'm prepared to discuss fungus, grotesque anatomy, frightening true stories, prolapses, bed baths, swelling, skin folds or basically anything you can think of and still enjoy the hummus. Most research indicates that this takes about a year of solid work in the medical field to reach the flexi-seal stage.
Dear Nurse Dave,
What's your thoughts on gambling?
Jerry, Reno, NV
Jerry don't get involved. Gambling will seduce you with the excitement and the bright lights but in the end you find yourself hanging out at a horse track by yourself giving pointers to underage gamblers. Sure the underage kids might think you're cool and think it is awesome when you buy them a beer but you'll know Jerry, you'll know it isn't cool. But on the plus side there is this.
Dear Nurse Dave,
If you could pull off any hair style what would it be?
Alan, Madison, Wisconsin
There's really only one choice. Directly slicked back and tastefully done. Probably while wearing a suit. I'm just not sure what product to use and how much training of the hair it would take.
Dear Nurse Dave,
What's your favorite color?
Pierre, New Orleans, LA
Brown. There's really no place else you could go, except for possibly green which is obviously my second favorite color.
Dear Nurse Dave,
What's a flexi-seal?
Daryl, Atlanta, GA
Well Daryl you probably know what a urinary catheter is. The flexi-seal is the same sort of idea but it collects fecal matter rather than urine.
Dear Nurse Dave,
Is it true that after a while in the medical field you no longer have any problems discussing anything over dinner?
Patti, LA, CA
It is true Patti. This is known as the flexi-seal effect. Meaning that you know you can discuss anything over dinner if you are comfortable with discussing the flexi-seal and then taking a bite of the delicious broiled lamb on your plate. I'm prepared to discuss fungus, grotesque anatomy, frightening true stories, prolapses, bed baths, swelling, skin folds or basically anything you can think of and still enjoy the hummus. Most research indicates that this takes about a year of solid work in the medical field to reach the flexi-seal stage.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
ICU
Dear Nurse Dave,
You've been in the ICU for a few months now. What's the coolest stuff you've learned?
Mark, Prescott, AZ
1. People buy incubators to hatch rare and endangered chickens.
2. There is an instrument of the future. It is called a Bullton, it looks like a crazy blue saxaphone and I've met it's creator.
3. A scrotum can swell to the size of a football.
That's the information Mark. You can choose to do with it what you want. Personally I'd avoid testing the 3rd one. Its true. Just take my word for it.
You've been in the ICU for a few months now. What's the coolest stuff you've learned?
Mark, Prescott, AZ
1. People buy incubators to hatch rare and endangered chickens.
2. There is an instrument of the future. It is called a Bullton, it looks like a crazy blue saxaphone and I've met it's creator.
3. A scrotum can swell to the size of a football.
That's the information Mark. You can choose to do with it what you want. Personally I'd avoid testing the 3rd one. Its true. Just take my word for it.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Gout?
Dear Nurse Dave,
What is gout? and do I have it?
Paul, Fairbanks AK
Gout is an arthritis like disease that occurs when uric acid builds up in your blood. Your kidneys generally are supposed to get rid of this acid but sometimes they aren't up for the job. It can be quite painful.
As you can see if you have gout usually one of your toes swells up to a grotesque size, your pajamas become ill fitting and you begin to question the meaning of life. But rather than just curse life you can seek for ways to treat it. You can go with a natural treatment guide like these two guys did which can include diet changes, herbal supplements and wearing tight fitting t-shirts (note: although the wavy line surrounding the two men appears to be a line indicating stink, stink is not a common symptom of gout).
Or you can go the medical route with anti-inflammatory drugs and allopurinol to reduce uric acid. Good luck Paul.
What is gout? and do I have it?
Paul, Fairbanks AK
Gout is an arthritis like disease that occurs when uric acid builds up in your blood. Your kidneys generally are supposed to get rid of this acid but sometimes they aren't up for the job. It can be quite painful.
As you can see if you have gout usually one of your toes swells up to a grotesque size, your pajamas become ill fitting and you begin to question the meaning of life. But rather than just curse life you can seek for ways to treat it. You can go with a natural treatment guide like these two guys did which can include diet changes, herbal supplements and wearing tight fitting t-shirts (note: although the wavy line surrounding the two men appears to be a line indicating stink, stink is not a common symptom of gout).
Or you can go the medical route with anti-inflammatory drugs and allopurinol to reduce uric acid. Good luck Paul.
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