ask Dave a question and he'll answer
send questions to asknursedave@gmail.com

Friday, January 27, 2012

more quick ones

I'm emptying out a few stockpiled questions again here...

Dear Nurse Dave,
What's your thoughts on gambling?
Jerry, Reno, NV

Jerry don't get involved. Gambling will seduce you with the excitement and the bright lights but in the end you find yourself hanging out at a horse track by yourself giving pointers to underage gamblers. Sure the underage kids might think you're cool and think it is awesome when you buy them a beer but you'll know Jerry, you'll know it isn't cool. But on the plus side there is this.

Dear Nurse Dave,
If you could pull off any hair style what would it be?
Alan, Madison, Wisconsin

There's really only one choice. Directly slicked back and tastefully done. Probably while wearing a suit. I'm just not sure what product to use and how much training of the hair it would take.

Dear Nurse Dave,
What's your favorite color?
Pierre, New Orleans, LA

Brown. There's really no place else you could go, except for possibly green which is obviously my second favorite color.

Dear Nurse Dave,
What's a flexi-seal?
Daryl, Atlanta, GA

Well Daryl you probably know what a urinary catheter is. The flexi-seal is the same sort of idea but it collects fecal matter rather than urine.

Dear Nurse Dave,
Is it true that after a while in the medical field you no longer have any problems discussing anything over dinner?
Patti, LA, CA

It is true Patti. This is known as the flexi-seal effect. Meaning that you know you can discuss anything over dinner if you are comfortable with discussing the flexi-seal and then taking a bite of the delicious broiled lamb on your plate. I'm prepared to discuss fungus, grotesque anatomy, frightening true stories, prolapses, bed baths, swelling, skin folds or basically anything you can think of and still enjoy the hummus. Most research indicates that this takes about a year of solid work in the medical field to reach the flexi-seal stage.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

ICU

Dear Nurse Dave,
You've been in the ICU for a few months now. What's the coolest stuff you've learned?
Mark, Prescott, AZ

1. People buy incubators to hatch rare and endangered chickens.

2. There is an instrument of the future. It is called a Bullton, it looks like a crazy blue saxaphone and I've met it's creator.

3. A scrotum can swell to the size of a football.

That's the information Mark. You can choose to do with it what you want. Personally I'd avoid testing the 3rd one. Its true. Just take my word for it.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Gout?

Dear Nurse Dave,
What is gout? and do I have it?
Paul, Fairbanks AK

Gout is an arthritis like disease that occurs when uric acid builds up in your blood. Your kidneys generally are supposed to get rid of this acid but sometimes they aren't up for the job. It can be quite painful.


As you can see if you have gout usually one of your toes swells up to a grotesque size, your pajamas become ill fitting and you begin to question the meaning of life. But rather than just curse life you can seek for ways to treat it. You can go with a natural treatment guide like these two guys did which can include diet changes, herbal supplements and wearing tight fitting t-shirts (note: although the wavy line surrounding the two men appears to be a line indicating stink, stink is not a common symptom of gout).


Or you can go the medical route with anti-inflammatory drugs and allopurinol to reduce uric acid. Good luck Paul.