Small Talk

Dear Nurse Dave,

I don't like small talk and am therefore horrible at it. I would like to want to get better at it so I can exchange meaningless pleasantries with other people and make them feel like I like them because most of the time I do, but they think I don't because I am horrible at small talk.

Any tips? I'll take my answer off the air. 

Thanks,

Jordan

Henderson, Nevada

I've got a bag full of tips for you Jordan because I once suffered from the same problem.  The first thing you need to do is stop thinking of the small talk as a conversation, think of it as a competition.   The person that tells the most interesting anecdote wins and that person needs to be you.  Calvin illustrates my point well in this strip.

In the small talk you must focus on three goals, 1) inflate your intelligence 2) inflate your comedy, which naturally leads to 3) inflate your self esteem.  People naturally like funny people with high self esteem.  But to achieve these goals you have to be prepared.  You can't go into small talk without a plan otherwise you could end up on the wrong side of the conversation (think about being cornered by a talker).

Here's what I do.  I go into each week with 3 stories or subjects ready to go for any situation. I gather these stories by listening to NPR, reading the internet and by living life.  You may remember an anecdote I told recently when I saw you.  I was dealing with a patient that was refusing clothing and I had to give him an IV.  I tried to settle him down a little and got him to lie in the correct direction on his bed.  I told him, "I need you to lay still because I have to stick you with this needle."  He said in reply with an intense anger or even hatred, "You son of a bitch."  I must have used that story 10 to 15 times over the next two weeks.  With each retelling I got better at telling the story.  The result was that people thought I was funnier than I actually am which inflated my self-esteem.  By bringing up stories from NPR I sound smarter than I actually am and by reading the internet I seem more informed than I actually am.  The trick is that you don't need to really know anything about a subject, just know that the subject exists.  

Jordan, you wouldn't go into a battle without ammunition.  You wouldn't try to drive to Montana without gas in your tank.  You wouldn't go on a picnic without a basket full of food (preferably fried chicken).  So why are you trying to have small talk without 3-4 ready to use anecdotes? 

Here's three suggestions for next week

1. Thomas Edison once forced cats to box each other (from the internet).

2. Albums everyone loves (from NPR).

3. Some acupuncture practitioners seem to know only slightly more about acupuncture than me and I've never even had acupuncture (from living life). 

Good luck!

Shapeshifting Bears

Dear Nurse Dave,
Do you think it's realistic that a shapeshifting bear would be "a reasonable, mellow, easygoing kind of guy"?
Spencer, Chicago, IL


Oh Spencer if you only knew.  The Shapeshifting bear you're referring to is of course named Crush and let me share some quotes from people that know him best.  Namely those that read the book.


 "I had a big soft spot for Crush. He's just so adorable, but can and would rip the arms off someone if they needed their arms ripped off. He `fan-girl crushes' on all the hockey players, and has moments of losing speech when he meets Cella's dad who is Crush's hockey idol. Crush has so many scenes that were just endearing to me and made all the sweeter considering the amount of insanity he's surrounded by, namely Cella."  Jess


"Lou "Crush" Crushek is usually a very laid back guy. But he makes the mistake of having one too many Jell-O shots at a co-worker's party and wakes up next to a naked She-Tiger." Katie


As you can see Spence its easy to be laid back and mellow that is until you wake up next to a naked she-tiger whose name happens to be Cella.  Here's some comments on Cella.


"I was a bit too excited to read this novel.  Especially when I realized that the main female character, Cella, was in a pro shapeshifting hockey league." Stephanie


"The heroine is not a `lily' girl and I love her for that. She lives - and thrives - in a men's world and respected at it too. Aside from her killer instinct and skill, she is just like most women - single mom, has her own family drama, two best friends at both end of spectrum, and a two job that she enjoys." Bukcrz


In case you were wondering the book is awesome.


"It took me a little over four hours to read this book simply because I DEVOURED it. Yes, I said devoured. It was more than just kick-a**, it was more than a steamy scene in the sheets, it was MORE than a love story, there was so MUCH to this book, it's hard to pinpoint what I loved the most, but I think it would have to be, that this book inspired me." Cassie


"There is no way anything Laurenston (the author of the book) writes should get less than 5 stars. Period. Her sexy humor is a delight, the character development satisfying, and the romance itself makes you smile. There's danger, action, love, sex, and shape-shifters. What more could a reader want? (Okay, maybe chocolate.)" Annette


"I loved this book, it was better than any other book she's written and I would know, I've read them all." Spencer 


So I think we can all agree now.  Shapeshifting bears can be mellow and laid back but watch out when a she-tiger gets involved.  Things tend to get steamy.  My only advice would be to purchase some chocolate to eat while you're reading and hold on.  Its going to be a steamy ride.  

Say You, Say Me?

Dear Nurse Dave,
What does it feel like to love and hate something at the same time?  Feel free to use Lionel Richie's Say You Say Me to explain.
Melissa, Somewhere in Virginia

Here goes, first lets examine the video.

Lionel Richie - Say You Say Me by sayit

First let me say I had to watch a commercial involving birth control before the video started.  Its interesting that birth control commercials always focus on a woman's active lifestyle and rarely imply what the product is actually used for.  This commercial used paper cut out animation.  Not as fun as those Yaz ads where the girl cuts her bangs and another one paints a wall orange.

Here goes, the video is starting with Lionel rising up from the ground most likely with a few buckets of dry ice going to steam it up a little.  I'm assuming Lionel used this song in some kind of dancing drama movie.  Lionel must know that I have a soft spot for angry dance sequences because that has me loving everything that's happening.  I also love the frequent use of the fist pump by Lionel, it feels very natural like something I need to add to my repertoire.  I'm starting to get a more negative feeling from that ballerina dancing guy.  I feel like I really don't like him.  But then all the sudden the song completely changes and Lionel starts dancing. I'm back in love with everything.  Then Lionel tells me, "Believe in who you are, you are a shining star."  But still there's more shots of the ballerina guy and now he's got a band-aid on his forehead.  I'm assuming somebody must have hit him with something because he doesn't seem very likeable.

So at the end of watching that video I feel uncomfortable.  I don't want to know anything more about the movie those scenes are from but I do want to see Lionel make a few more fist pumps.  It is a little distressing because I want to watch the video again but I'm not sure I can handle it.  Its kind of like that feeling when you're at a buffet and you are already too full but because it is a buffet you know you have to go back for one more plateful.  I think that's what its like to love and hate something at the same time.

Summer Movie Preview - July and August

I'm just going to continue on with Ed's question here and examine the rest of the summer movies.

JULY
The Amazing Spiderman - Thankfully the call has been answered.  We've been desperate for another take on Spider-man and we finally get it.  Fortunately the costume has been completely updated.  We get to see the origin again (it's been ten years since the last time).  And this time Spider-man fights a lizard (something we've all been hoping for).  About time.  The only thing missing is the Rock.

The Dark Knight Rises - Yes this movie stars Tom Hardy.  This star of my number one movie of 2011 - Warrior.  Its unclear as to if he's playing the same character as the one in Warrior but he still is very much muscle bound and very angry.  Also, Christian Bale continues to use his Batman voice.  I for one vote that he just always use his Batman voice every time he talks.  I find his real accent somewhat unsettling.

The Watch - Formally known as Neighborhood Watch.  The name was changed due to the Trayvon Martin shooting.  It involves aliens I think but I'm not sure.  Most summer movies do involve aliens so we can just assume this one does too.

Step Up - Revolution - Continuing my huge endorsement of summer dance movies.  This one involves a real estate developer threatening a dance crew's neighborhood.  Basically like the Goonies but with a whole lot more dancing.

AUGUST
The Bourne Legacy - Something we all have been hoping for, a Jason Bourne movie that doesn't actually have Jason Bourne in it.  Thank you hollywood.

Total Recall - Colin Farrell jumps in for Arnold Scwharnzenagerr.  Only this time he doesn't go to Mars presumably because every movie set on Mars in the last decade has been a huge commercial failure.

The Expendables 2 - The fight between Stallone and Van Damme would alone be worth the price of admission.  On top of that we get Statham saying, "I now pronounce you man and knife."  Schawarnzeger saying, "I'm back," as if his tongue was massively swollen.  Stallone flying a plane into a cave.  Stallone saying that the plan is, "Track 'em, find 'em, kill 'em." Plus it has Bruce Willis.  The only thing I'm disappointed about is that there's still no Die Hard 5.

 Premium Rush - Joseph-Gordon Levitt is a bike messenger is some kind of awesome hurry.

Lawless - What do you get when you add the star of my favorite movie of 2011 (Tom Hardy from Warrior and the Dark Knight Rises) with my sister's favorite actor (Shia Labouef from Transformers, Disturbia, Indiana jones 4)?  You get Lawless an awesome bootlegging drama that's entire story gets told in the trailer.  I really enjoyed the trailer.  Go ahead and watch it.  It's probably all you need to do.

So there you go Ed.  I think you pretty much have your summer planned out now.

Summer Movie Preview - May and June

Dear Nurse Dave,
Can you whip together a Summer Movie Preview that lets me know what I need to see?
Ed, Baton Rouge, LA

You've come to the right man Ed.  I think I can walk you through the most important films of the summer.

MAY

The Avengers - I saw this one at 10am on openning day.  The theatre was filled with kids whose parents let them stay home from school to watch the Avengers.  The parents made the right decision, the movie was fantastic.

Dark Shadows - Johnny Depp is a vampire that wakes up in the 1970's and its a comedy.  The laughs come from Johnny Depp's funny make-up and the fact that a witch lady has had a crush on Johnny Depp for several hundred years.  I'd say let the kids go to school.

Battleship - The guy from John Carter is back with an even better movie.  He's on a battleship and aliens start attacking the Earth.  Its up to John Carter to stop the aliens and somehow link this plot to the board game Battleship.  I think he's going to do it.  Take the kids out of school for this one.  It is going to be an amazing ride.

Men In Black 3 - Will Smith makes another daring creative choice here.  This time the plot involves time travel.  The problem is that time travel isn't the solution for revitalizing a bad movie idea.  The Rock is (more on this later).

Moonrise Kingdom - Isn't interesting how many movies feature boyscouts in them without actually being able to use the term, "boyscout." This one has boyscouts probably referred to as Wilderness Patrol or something.  It also has Bill Murray so naturally I'm in.

JUNE

Snow White and the Huntsman - This is another movie with Thor in it.  Except this time I think he uses axes, not a hammer.

Battlefield America - This isn't a sweet alien invasion movie like Battleship and it isn't a sequel to Battle Los Angeles.  No this is according to the trailer, "The most anticipated kid's dance movie of the summer."  Fortunately most kids are out of school by the time this movie premiers so there isn't the moral question of wether or not to take them out of school.

Prometheus - This one has aliens, androids and ancient futuristic mysteries.  All of those things appeal to me on a lot of levels.  Especially androids, we really don't get enough of those.

Brave - Disney's newest princess is Scottish and from what I understand she isn't going to marry just anybody, plus there's a bear involved some how.  I hope that the bear sings a song.

GI Joe 2 - Finally a sequel that gets it right.  Kill off the entire cast from the first movie and then make the Rock the star.  Adding the Rock to a movie has worked every time (Fast 5, Journey 2 the list goes on) and I am certain its going to work this time.   

Chickens

Dear Nurse Dave,
Should I get chickens?  Lots of people are getting chickens right now and I don't want to be left behind.
Paulina, Las Vegas, NM

Chickens are always a good idea.  Free range them in your backyard.  Get a chicken coop.  Let them into your house.  Have one sleep in your bed.  I don't care where you put them but you need to get some.  These are low maintenance barnyard animals that produce a valuable commodity, eggs!  You can literally feed chickens garbage and then gold comes out in egg form.  You can use the eggs to start a business, you can use them in frittatas, you can make a quiche (pronounced keesh), an omelet, fried eggs, scrambled eggs the list goes on and on.  You know what flan is made out of?  Eggs.  You know what makes custard better than ice cream?  Eggs.  You know what makes my cookies taste so good? Eggs.

Come on Paulina, I'm not sure what your problem is.  Get some chickens.  Seriously.  I know a guy that makes coops you just give me the word and he'll get going.  I know a guy that hatches rare breeds of chickens in his garage.  Just let me know and some chicks are on their way.  There's nothing that's stopping you Paulina.  Let's do this.  I know two young boys that sell eggs door to door.  You don't have to buy from them Paulina.  You can get your own eggs.  Own this Paulina.  You know the problem and you know the solution.