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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Stallone = emotional distress?

Nurse Dave,

I think I might have Polyglandular Addison's Disease, which means I could suffer an instantaneous death triggered by sudden emotional distress.
Do you have any suggestions on how I can protect myself from situations where this may happen?
Also, what are your thoughts on the Stallone's 1986 movie "Cobra"?

Slinger, WI

Bill the first thing I would tell you is to avoid watching "Cobra" at all costs. The excitement and emotional distress that would come from a screening of that film might be too much for you to handle. Stallone gives the performance of a lifetime. He stands in the back of a pick-up truck and with a machine gun mows down guys on motorcycles. You might wonder why the motorcycle guys keep coming at him even though he is clearly going to kill them. This question would likely cause emotional distress. Also in the film Stallone has little regard for doing things "by the book" and the casual disregard for authority may cause agitation. And he holds grudges. Stallone just can't let things go until he gets the last word or kills somebody. These are not things you need in your life right now Bill (even though it is probably a 4 1/2 out of 5 star movie).

I'd have to suggest that you look for entertainment in more tame or even boring areas. For music listening I'd suggest Coldplay or anything from Toad the Wet Sprocket. For movies you've got to avoid Stallone, Paul Walker, Vin Diesel and Bruce Willis. Instead you need to focus primarily on Hugh Grant features. Television should probably be restricted to Antiques Roadshow on PBS (word of caution: it gets pretty entertaining when the person with the antique thinks it is going to be worth $20,000 and it turns out to be worth around $500).

Some other suggestions for making life have less emotional distress: go into accounting, use sunscreen, attend any free lecture that is offered in your town, get your hair done at Supercuts (they always come through with a great haircut), read books about gardening but don't actually garden and finally avoid making eye contact with anyone.

Oh here's a radio story about a guy with a similar problem to you, emotions make him pass out (its the last of the three stories in this episode). Good Luck Bill. "Music and Lyrics" is actually an okay movie if you're into that sort of thing.

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