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Monday, September 19, 2011


Dear Nurse Dave,
Of all the Expendables, I can't help but wonder which, if any, could be considered the Least Expendable?
Grayson, (i think he lives in Utah)

Let's go through this man by man. I think you may be surprised by the results.

Couture (demolitions expert) - An MMA fighter with limited acting ability. If the only thing we had to thank him for was the soundtrack to this montage of his fights we would have a lot to thank him for. His limited acting ability does however make him expendable.

Crews (weapons specialist) - He's the guy that was in some of those old spice commercials. Unfortunately he's not even the best old spice advertising guy (this guy is). That makes him pretty expendable.

Li (martial artist) - I don't know if I've really seen anything he's done. I think he does Jackie Chan like movies except they don't have comedy. I like my martial artists to come with a sense of humor. He's very expendable.

Lundgren (sniper, he didn't make the picture for some reason) - Although he's only really know for one character in his cinema career that character is pretty awesome. The thing is though that to be not expendable you have to be able to take that character and place the exact same character into dozens of successful movies (much like the next guy on our list).

Stallone (team leader and all around badass) - Few other actors have found as much success with playing the same basic character in all of their movies. From Rocky to Rambo to Cliffhanger to Judge Dredd to Demolition Man to Over the Top to the Expendables Stallone is always playing Stallone and no one could possibly replace him. No other actor has given us the amazing amount of training montages. No other actor has shifted gears more often while listening to "No Easy Way Out." No other actor has given as many inspiring speeches. The man is a genius. So how is he not the least expendable of the expendables? I'll explain.

Statham (blades specialist) - Statham is the answer. He is the least expendable because he still has so much to offer us. Stallone has already given us 6 Rocky movies and 4 Rambos. Statham has only given us 3 Transporters and 2 Cranks. He's only given us one oil fight so far. There's a lot more in the tank. Look at his IMDB page. He's got 5 bad action movies coming out in the next year. This guy is going to churn out these movies for the next 20 years. What do we have left with Stallone? Expendables 2 maybe Expendables 3. Stallone is on the way out. Statham is just getting started. I'm willing to give up on Stallone because he's already given me so much. I just can't let Statham go before I get a transporter 4. There are still so many things that need transporting.

1 comment:


    Yeah, I'd definitely say he's the least expendable