Board Games

Dear Nurse Dave,
From what I understand you're a huge fan of board games. Do you have any ideas for your own board game?
Rudy, Casa Grande, AZ

I am a huge fan of board games. Extremely nerdy ones usually involving stuff on this website.

My idea for a board game is so far hasn't received a lot of support from those I've shared it with. I think we're all very familiar with "Yo Mama" jokes. you know jokes at yo mama's expense usually critisizing her intellegence, looks, or weight. So imagine a spinner with the categories, "fat", "ugly", "stupid" and maybe smaller areas featuring "crazy" and "poor." Then say the spinner lands on fat. Then you pull a card from the subject box that has a great variety of subjects. For example the subject could be "waterbeds." Then each player has to come up with a Yo Mama joke in the fat category based on waterbeds. Like, "Yo, Mama so fat that when she jumps on her waterbed the neighborhood kids come by and yell, 'Thar she blows.'" I literally came up with that joke while playing the game earlier today. Then a vote is made and the best joke wins. Its usually pretty obvious which joke is the best. The player with the most winning jokes is obviously the winner.

Some people have found this game both distasteful and juvenile.  I think they're right.  Really you've got to treat your momma right.

Swayze's B-day

Dear Nurse Dave,

I’m an entertainment blogger, and I write primarily about film. As you may know, August 18th would have been Patrick Swayze’s 61st birthday. He’s one of my favorite actors, and I’ve been doing a lot of research with the hope of writing a piece to commemorate his career.

The site who I contract with doesn’t seem that interested in this, and I’m reaching out to you because I saw what you had posted about Patrick Swayze and his role in Point Break. Perhaps I could write a guest post about Patrick Swayze for your site?

Here are some of the angles I’ve been thinking about:

• Patrick Swayze’s ballet abilities -did all his own dancing in films
• His most notable roles (Dirty Dancing, Ghost, Donnie Darko)
• What he’s known for: his 80s hair (possibly who has this now!)
• Other notable young actors that are up and coming, and can replace the generation of stars Patrick Swayze was in.

I’m also happy to hear whatever ideas you may have on the subject.

Does a guest post for Patrick’s birthday sound like something that would interest your readers?

Thanks,

Elizabeth Eckhart

The answer is of course yes. You'd be hard pressed to find someone more interested in Patrick Swayze than myself. Here's a few things I'd be interested in

1. His ballet abilities - that sounds fascinating and awesome

2. His workout regime - How did he get such great body?

3. Who cut his hair? Was it his wife? (my wife cuts mine)

4. Why did his career fall apart? I was really hoping for more from him.

5. Was he really in to horses or is this photo above just kind of a one off thing?

6. Did he have some kind of code that he lived by? (Example - Vin Diesel's code in the fast and furious movies is "Family").

7. Was there plans for a Point Break 2? (I do have a partial script written for Point Break 2. We'll just say that Swayze's character survives the surf at the end of the first one and he gets his hands on some serious weaponry).

8. Honestly, I just miss him.

Sports, why?

Dear Nurse Dave,
Are you aware that people really, really like sports? Can you explain this phenomenon?
Paul, St. Paul, MN

First of all Paul, we have to understand that people are searching for meaning in life. People want each day to have some kind of purpose and some kind of fulfillment. This search can be difficult and sometimes even distressing so many people abandon this search and instead become interested in sports. Sports seems to fill a hole in life by offering a completely inane happening and assigning great importance to it. In the grand scheme of life is it important that a man can't kick an oblong ball through two yellow poles? Of course not this can't mean anything but however it can mean everything.

There are countless people out there with no meaning in their lives and therefore have nothing to talk about.  Again this is where sports fills a hole.  Two male coworkers at the University of Phoenix making phone calls to sell people on attending college may not have much to talk about or  a lot in common.  They can talk about sports.  When conversation starts to die at a boring dinner party, what can be done?  Bring up sports.  When I meet another male nurse what's the first thing I do?  I see if he likes sports.  Holes need to be filled.

So Paul the appeal of sports is that we can care a whole lot about something that doesn't really matter at all and then talk to other people about it. This is a lot easier than caring about something that actually matters. When I was 18 I attended a world series game in Yankee Stadium. The Yankees were down and Chuck Knoblauch hit a 3 run homer. The stadium erupted. A little bit later the bases were loaded.   I turned to my dad and said the only thing that could make this cooler is if Tino hits a grand slam. Tino  hit the grand slam.  I was high fiving and hugging people I'd never met before.  I don't even like to hug people I know. 50,000 people were going nuts and it seemed as if something really important had happened.  It was like watching the Moon Landing with 50,000 people but even cooler because the event didn't bring up any deeper questions.  And I was there, I was a part of it. Now its 15 years later. Tino just got fired from being a hitting instructor because he was verbally abusive to players. Chuck Knoblauch got the Yips only a year or so after he hit the homer. He could no longer make accurate throws while playing second base. He went from being one of the best fielding second basemen in the sport to being unable to throw the ball to first. I know these facts because I was there for the World Series. I know these facts because somehow despite everything they seem important to me. I know these facts so that I can have meaningless conversations. Paul I too love sports. I enjoy watching something that I know means nothing and reacting in the moment as if it means everything. 

1998 - Yes I believe that is a mock turtle neck I'm wearing
 and no mock turtle necks were not fashionable in 1998.

The Bachelor

Dear Nurse Dave,
I just got done looking through your blog and don't know why I only check it every few months. But that has nothing to do with my question. Here it goes... It's my first time watching a season of The Bachelor so I am a bit of a novice and have some questions. First of all, have you ever watched The Bachelor? And second, how serious do you think the contestants take the show? Are they acting or do they really think that they are going to find love? Most grateful for your insights!

Amy, Currently living in Kansas

So unfortunately Amy I've never seen the show but fortunately that doesn't stop me from having an opinion on the subject. My general exposure to pop culture does help me know pretty much everything there is to know about the Bachelor. I've also watched an episode of Nathan For You where he pretty much does the same show as the bachelor.  Let's start with the basics.

So there's an attractive guy (most likely with great abs) and a bunch of attractive girls (also with good abs).  He slowly eliminates them until he picks the one he'll marry.  They are eliminated by various means usually involving a hot tub, skydiving or going out to eat.  Finally the bachelor picks the girl that looked the best in the hot tub, didn't make him feel emasculated while skydiving and had good table manners.  From what I understand all of these marriages are extremely successful and this is probably the ideal way to choose a mate.  Hence the Bachelorette, so that women could have an opportunity to also choose a mate in a similar way. I've heard some say that the first airing of the Bachelorette is when the women's rights movement really got headed in the right direction.

These are likely real laughs at a rose ceremony.

But I have glossed over perhaps the most important aspect of the show.  It's called the rose ceremony.  This is the time when all of the attractive girls are lined up and the bachelor gives a rose to each one that he's going to keep until next week.  It is a lot like getting picked for kickball only rather than just rejecting someone based on kickball ability the bachelor is rejecting an entire personality.  Really the problem with the rose ceremony is that it is only used on this show.  There are plenty of other situations where we could really do with a rose ceremony like: choosing coworkers; choosing plumbers; choosing cell phone companies; and of course choosing kickball teams.

So in conclusion I've never seen the show but from what I know about it I really, really want to see the show.  Fortunately I'm already married and it has been successful despite not beginning on a reality TV series.  But for anyone else out there that is still single I'd suggest trying it.  I can't imagine someone going on television not sincerely looking for love.  We just live in a terrific world.

Aging and Addiction

Dear Nurse Dave:

I have a question about the human body.

I keep getting older, larger, and slower (I also have receding gums, though I hear they're not uncommon). Are there any positive health outcomes or evolutionary plusses to getting older, larger, and slower? Aside from getting older meaning you're still alive, which I consider a plus for sure?

I also have an addiction to fennel seeds, which I eat even though they mess up my mouth. Have you ever heard of this addiction?

Thanks for your medical professionalism!

Laurel, Madison WI

I do pride myself on professionalism and of course my singing voice.   Many unconscious patients have been serenaded by my powerful tenor.  

Anyway Laurel first you'll have to forgive the lateness of my reply, I too am aging.  Second lets address this addiction problem of yours.  I do have a little bit of experience with the subject but I typically deal with those addicted to illicit substances rather than fennel.  Lets just run a quick side by side comparison of addiction.  A heroin addict typically spends about $100 per day on his/her habit and can use the heroin by smoking or injecting.  Fennel seeds cost somewhere around $10 a pound and you'd have to have a serious problem to ingest that many seeds daily.  So just from a financial standpoint you're coming out ahead.  Then from what I understand the main problem fennel is going to give you is possibly upset tummy and maybe some constipation.  That's right too much fiber can actually constipate you.  So I'd suggest take your fennel in moderation and stay well hydrated.

As for the aging question I'm first going to refer you to my favorite extinct animal, the giant sloth.  These things were about 20 feet tall and very slow.  I can just imagine making friends with one and going all over town with him just like Danny and the Dinosaur.  Of course giant sloths eventually became extinct because of the natural disadvantages that come from being old, large and slow.  The same process works with humans on an individual basis we get older, larger and slower until one day we break a hip and thats it (of course you can survive breaking a hip it just usually involves hip replacement surgery which usually involves the largest drills and power tools I've ever seen).



But don't get discouraged Laurel there are advantages to aging as well.  Let's explore those.

1. Wisdom 

2. Potential for using handicap parking spots

3. There's no need to understand the internet (i don't really and I'm only in my thirties)

4. Growing patriotism  

5. Dinner theatre (I once saw a production of the King and I while eating dinner with my retired father-in-law.  Amazing production.)

6. Retirement (my dad does this)

7. Eventually the clothes you have will come back into fashion

8. Cruises (went on one also with the father-in-law)

Me on a cruise.  I was a little too young at the time.

9. You can get super cranky and no one can really do anything about it (this happens a lot)

10.  You can get super nice and everyone thinks you're the best because you are the best (my wife's grandma)

11. Coming to grips with mortality

12. Discounts almost everywhere

13. Florida

14. Snowbirds (you can live in nice weather all year round, there are places where it doesn't snow)

Well Laurel I hope you receive some hope from all this.  I know I did.