Black or Brown Shoes?

Dear Nurse Dave,
Should I wear the blacks shoes or the brown shoes?
David, Nashville, TN

First listen to this song. Now think about what look you're trying to go for. Black shoes = professional, tight pants, college educated, efficient, shoe shine, yogurt eating, probably shops at the GAP, well groomed hair, interested in the girl with the cool hair, purple tie, listens to hip hop. While brown shoes = might have gone to college but probably got a degree in something useless (English), full head of hair but not well combed, disorganized but still gets the job done, prefers smoothies, well read in subjects that don't matter, closet has at least one hawiian shirt, listens to folk music.

If this is for an interview go with the black shoes. If this is just daily life you've got to go brown.

Fear

Dear Nurse Dave,
What do you think I should fear?
Paul, East Brunswick NJ

There's a lot of things that would could be afraid of or worry about. There's Parkinson's Disease. It can destroy the nervous system and leave you with little ability to act for yourself. The disease can do this quickly or take a long time. There's heart disease. Your coronary arteries can become so clogged that the muscle of your heart is no longer provided with the oxygen it needs. Apparently that hurts and can kill you.

Or maybe you want to fear germs and bacteria. Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus is powerful staph infection that can't be treated by standard antibiotics. C-diff can infect you GI tract and give you explosive diahrea. These germs and just hanging out anywhere you go Paul.

Or maybe you want to fear politics. Listen to Fox News, Obama is intentionally trying to destroy the country. Watch MSNBC and learn how republicans want to tax only poor people. Look at the international stuff Paul. Greece's financial situation could cause the downfall of all of Europe.

Perhaps you want to fear illegal immigrants, or maybe fear getting a tumor from using your cell phone, maybe you should be afraid of never finding a good job, maybe you should worry about the demise of social security, or carbon monoxide in your home, what about global warming, overfishing the oceans, the demise of bookstores, high fructose corn syrup, roundup ready crops, paying too much for a bad haircut, finding true love, we could go all day Paul.

There's much you could fear so just pick something a move ahead. Good luck Paul.

Trey

Dear Nurse Dave,
I think the kids are getting back into the 80's right now. Are the 90's next? Should I get a bowl cut to be a step ahead of the trends? I'm very interested in being cool.
Trey, Kingwood, TX

I think your name alone gives you a leg up on the rest of us. Look at this list of Treys, everyone a winner. So I think the first thing you got to do to be cool is rely more heavily on your name. Maybe wear a t-shirt that says "my name is trey" or perhaps a belt buckle that simply says trey. Those two things alone buy you a lot of cred.

As for haircuts if you want to go 90's skip the bowl cut and go for the David Silver. Its the right move.

Other cool tips from me would include
1) Become an expert on something somewhat obscure and then talk about it a lot (I do this with science fiction novels but don't steal my subject)
2) It's only okay to admit that you want to be cool if you are already cool and just admitting it out of mock humility (its also good to talk about how you didn't have friends in high school this shows people that high school kids just weren't ready for your particular brand of coolness, this works well for me)
3) Chew gum. Cool guys chew gum. (i go through 1-2 packs a week)
4) Get very interested in the Fast and Furious movies but do it in such a way that people can never tell if you really like the movies or not
5) Lift weights

Finally remember you can never be ahead of the trends. You have to set your own trends.