Dear Nurse Dave,
I think I've got some irritable bowel stuff happening. What should I do? Also what should I be for halloween?
Sam, Los Angeles, CA
You probably want to go see a GI doctor about the irritable bowel stuff. Its hard to know what's wrong without knowing your symptoms. You can try some dietary changes such as eliminating milk or gluten and see if that helps. Or try to avoid caffeine (caffeine makes diarrhea worse). Basically if you've got a serious issue going on down there you're going to need a colonoscopy to really figure out what's going on. In a colonoscopy a doctor goes into your GI tract (through your rectum) with a camera and takes a look at what's going on. You'll be awake during the procedure but you'll be drugged so that you don't remember it. Good luck!
As for what should be for halloween I would focus on obscure pop culture references. If you have two other friends and a baby at your disposal you really need to consider three men and a baby. Other Steve Guttenberg roles to consider would be Cocoon, Police Academy 1-4 and whatever this is.
If Steve Guttenberg doesn't get it done for you maybe the lizard guy from the Last Starfighter. That could be a very impressive outfit. My final suggestion would be Raiden from Mortal Kombat.