Summer Movie Preview - May and June

Dear Nurse Dave,
Can you whip together a Summer Movie Preview that lets me know what I need to see?
Ed, Baton Rouge, LA

You've come to the right man Ed.  I think I can walk you through the most important films of the summer.

MAY

The Avengers - I saw this one at 10am on openning day.  The theatre was filled with kids whose parents let them stay home from school to watch the Avengers.  The parents made the right decision, the movie was fantastic.

Dark Shadows - Johnny Depp is a vampire that wakes up in the 1970's and its a comedy.  The laughs come from Johnny Depp's funny make-up and the fact that a witch lady has had a crush on Johnny Depp for several hundred years.  I'd say let the kids go to school.

Battleship - The guy from John Carter is back with an even better movie.  He's on a battleship and aliens start attacking the Earth.  Its up to John Carter to stop the aliens and somehow link this plot to the board game Battleship.  I think he's going to do it.  Take the kids out of school for this one.  It is going to be an amazing ride.

Men In Black 3 - Will Smith makes another daring creative choice here.  This time the plot involves time travel.  The problem is that time travel isn't the solution for revitalizing a bad movie idea.  The Rock is (more on this later).

Moonrise Kingdom - Isn't interesting how many movies feature boyscouts in them without actually being able to use the term, "boyscout." This one has boyscouts probably referred to as Wilderness Patrol or something.  It also has Bill Murray so naturally I'm in.

JUNE

Snow White and the Huntsman - This is another movie with Thor in it.  Except this time I think he uses axes, not a hammer.

Battlefield America - This isn't a sweet alien invasion movie like Battleship and it isn't a sequel to Battle Los Angeles.  No this is according to the trailer, "The most anticipated kid's dance movie of the summer."  Fortunately most kids are out of school by the time this movie premiers so there isn't the moral question of wether or not to take them out of school.

Prometheus - This one has aliens, androids and ancient futuristic mysteries.  All of those things appeal to me on a lot of levels.  Especially androids, we really don't get enough of those.

Brave - Disney's newest princess is Scottish and from what I understand she isn't going to marry just anybody, plus there's a bear involved some how.  I hope that the bear sings a song.

GI Joe 2 - Finally a sequel that gets it right.  Kill off the entire cast from the first movie and then make the Rock the star.  Adding the Rock to a movie has worked every time (Fast 5, Journey 2 the list goes on) and I am certain its going to work this time.   

Chickens

Dear Nurse Dave,
Should I get chickens?  Lots of people are getting chickens right now and I don't want to be left behind.
Paulina, Las Vegas, NM

Chickens are always a good idea.  Free range them in your backyard.  Get a chicken coop.  Let them into your house.  Have one sleep in your bed.  I don't care where you put them but you need to get some.  These are low maintenance barnyard animals that produce a valuable commodity, eggs!  You can literally feed chickens garbage and then gold comes out in egg form.  You can use the eggs to start a business, you can use them in frittatas, you can make a quiche (pronounced keesh), an omelet, fried eggs, scrambled eggs the list goes on and on.  You know what flan is made out of?  Eggs.  You know what makes custard better than ice cream?  Eggs.  You know what makes my cookies taste so good? Eggs.

Come on Paulina, I'm not sure what your problem is.  Get some chickens.  Seriously.  I know a guy that makes coops you just give me the word and he'll get going.  I know a guy that hatches rare breeds of chickens in his garage.  Just let me know and some chicks are on their way.  There's nothing that's stopping you Paulina.  Let's do this.  I know two young boys that sell eggs door to door.  You don't have to buy from them Paulina.  You can get your own eggs.  Own this Paulina.  You know the problem and you know the solution.  

Polyphonic Spree

Dear nurse Dave,

Is it true that you are single-handedly responsible for the virtual disappearance of The Polyphonic Spree?


Grayson, Utah


Unfortunately my efforts to destroy the spree have been incomplete.  They continue to wear robes and sing in great numbers.  My efforts only limited their output from 2008 to the present.  I think they're coming back and there's little I can do.

Attitude

Dear Nurse Dave,
As a nurse, is there any remedy you can suggest for recurrent bad attitude?
Melissa, Virginia

Bad attitude is a certainly a major problem but fortunately there are remedies that work. These remedies fall into a few major categories including:  medication, watching someone with an even worse attitude fail and of course Feed Your Mind.

Medication - Sometimes if someone is going crazy at the hospital (i.e. taking clothes off and running down the hallway) they get a shot of Haldol. This doesn't always work but it certainly can. Many of my more naked patients have tolerated clothes after Haldol (this is a very good thing, in the hospital the patients least interested in clothes are usually the ones that need them the most). Medication for attitude doesn't end there. Antidepressants have done a lot of good for attitudes. Talk with your doctor about that.


Watching someone else with a worse attitude fail - I used to take angry kids on hikes. Something about watching an angry kid kick a rock in frustration and thereby cause even more pain to themselves can heal a bad attitude. What I'm saying is that watching someone hurt themselves is funny and that can heal your own bad attitude.



Feed your mind

-

Lockout

Dear Nurse Dave,
What can you tell me about the movie Lockout?
Benjamin, Houston, TX

I can tell you it takes place in the world's most secure prison. The prison is impenetrable because it is not on Earth. I can also tell you that the president's daughter is on the space station prison on a goodwill mission. I shouldn't have to tell you anything else you should probably already know the rest of the movie but I will tell you in the trailer there is this exchange:

There's only one man who can get her out.
Who?
Snow. He's the best there is but he's a loose cannon.

Finally I can tell you that I will be seeing the film in the theatre the sooner the better.

Facial Hair Guidelines

Nurse Dave,

Since i met you you've always had some kind of assortment of facial hair. Myself being a man that keeps a goatee im interested if there are facial hair standards/guidelines/do's and donts that you try to live by.

Nathan, Mesa, AZ

First thing to realize is that there are no don'ts for facial hair. Only do's. The question is what do you want your facial hair to say and then groom it to make that statement.

The Homeless Beard
The homeless beard soared to popularity in a few years ago. It makes a powerful statement, "Hey I choose to look this way. Am I homeless or not? I'm not sure maybe you should spend a few minutes to get to know me. Who knows what I might have to offer." The homeless beard works well for outdoor enthusiasts, hollywood actors trying to let loose and people with real problems.

The Long Goatee
There was a resurrgence of for goatees in the mid 90's and nobody did the long goatee as well as Alexi Lalas (US soccer player dude). I think the statement he was making was, "Hey look at my goatee, you think I could braid this thing?" This kind of facial hair works well for former gang members, professional cleaners and members of metal bands.

The Tasteful Mustache
I'm not sure this look could ever go out of style. The mustache exudes a natural sexuality and classiness that other facial hair can't compete with. A mustache says, "Hey you want to take me seriously, I mean really seriously." This look works well for album covers, weddings and coaching.

The Evil Goatee
Frequently goatees are used to denote that a character has turned to either evil or steroids. The evil goatee can be used for good but it is difficult to harness the power for good (you'll probably need this to do it). The evil goatee says, "I'm the evil twin of the guy you normally see when he doesn't have a goatee. Can I borrow your car?" This look works well for job interviews at banks, hitting 60 or more homeruns and being a waiter at Texas Roadhouse. Be careful with this look.

Side Burns
Now you can go a number different directions with sideburns but I think we can all agree that the only real direction to go is as pictured above. Sideburns are for awesomely hot dudes from the 90's and make the statement, "Yeah I'll hang with you but I'm low on cash. Could you spot me a few?" But honestly I can't grow real sideburns and have always felt the loss after watching all those episodes of 90210. Sideburns work well for guys that are very very cool, guys that are way into the 1950s or 1990s, and Wolverine.

The Scruffy Beard
This is the look I try to go for but really can't achieve. It says, "Hey I'm relaxed, good looking, informed about interesting subjects or at least I want you to think those things about me." This works well for indie rock musicians, fans of indie rock music, nurses, good looking men, not good looking men and therapists.

The Chinstrap
I don't know what to say about this one other than just that I'm grateful that we have facial hair. Everyone can find the look for them. All it takes is a razor and so kind of clippers or facial hair grooming kit.








The list of facial hair looks goes on and on. The Bad Mustache,The Chin Only Goatee,The handlebar, The Fu Manchu, The super groomed. Really Nathan you just have to decide what you need to say and say it.

Perfect Day

Dear Nurse Dave,
What would your perfect day be like?
Toni, Port Arthur, NJ

Toni, I'm pretty sure it would be exactly like this (especially the blow darts at the end).