Clones

Dear Nurse Dave,
Did Radiohead clone their drummer and then have him drum on stage in addition to their regular drummer?
Peter, Leicester UK

Peter I think I understand where you're getting this idea from. That's from Michael Bay's hit movie the Island. Where people clone copies of themselves so that they can replace worn out body parts. The only thing that people weren't counting on is that sometimes clones can break loose from the holding facility and cause lots of explosions. If you'll recall in this movie clone Ewan McGregor meets not clone Ewan McGregor and wants help. Unfortunately the clone did not receive any help so he had to explode stuff. I think what happened with radiohead is probably a similar thing and Phil just decided to let him be the second drummer.

You'll note subtle differences in the two bald drummers of roughly the same age. I think its because it isn't yet 2110 (the year in which the Island takes place) so we haven't got the cloning thing down. Also there are some people that suggest Johnny Greenwood is a clone of 50's movie actor Peter Lorre. I think this is possible.

Protect the Skin Folds

Dear Nurse Dave,

My baby daughter is really fat, which is really cute. But it also means that she sometimes gets irritated skin on her neck from the friction of the rolls rubbing against each other. Do you have any recommendations for remedying this problem?

Spencer, Chicago, IL

Spencer as a nurse I frequently have to document what I do for patients and use a detailed computer program to do so. Much of the documentation involves just clicking on boxes with standard interventions given to patients already typed in the program. Like I might click on "elevation" as an intervention performed on a swollen leg. Other common interventions to click on are perineal care, control temperature, moisturize and of course protect the skin folds.

Skin folds can be dangerous and terrifying. I've heard tales of remote controls and sandwiches being found in skin folds (seriously). Mostly I've just found fungus (serious amounts). Things I've commonly done to protect the skin folds include using moisturizer, using baby powder, using anti-fungal powder (for more information about fungus fighting I would suggest you consult Dan Jennejohn, that guy has had athlete's foot for over a decade). So really Spence you've got to protect the skin folds in whatever way feels best to you. I just know that more often than not that when I lift a skin fold I throw some powder in there.

Also you may want to get your baby involved in face and neck yoga. From what I understand that can eleminate wrinkles and before long your baby will no longer have to wear turtle necks to hide those unsightly neck folds. Also here's the fastest way to get six pack abs (if you don't start them young they will never get six pack abs, I'm still upset that my parents didn't get me an ab rocker until I was 17).

The Casual Man

Dear nurse Dave,

How can I incorporate more "n's" into my vocabulary? You know, like when people mean to say "and" but they also want to reassure you that they are off the clock?

Grayson


Grayson, I think I know what you're really asking. You're asking, how do I become the Casual Man? The first thing you need to do is reevaluate your wardrobe. I'll first point you to the Dockers website. Those guys pretty much own casual Friday. Anything from Dockers will get you going where you want to be. Other casual clothes you should probably work into your rotation include - velour, corduroy, scarves, vests and of course velour. My velour tracksuit has never let me down.

The next step is the casual haircut. You need to look like you're not trying but even more than that you need to not be trying. So you could try the buzz cut, the floppy cut(in some circles known as the Hugh Grant) or the I sleep on the floor cut. I recently went from the Hugh Grant to the buzz cut. Both casual, both tasteful and both work well with Dockers kakis.

Also a casual man needs casual hobbies. Some to choose from - bocce ball, guitar (not the kind where you can play anything just the kind where you can only play one song and that song is "life is a highway"), reading magazines at a bookstore, talking about going hiking or finally of course modeling.

This all leads back to your original question involving casual speech. The clothes, haircut and hobbies should just lead you into casual speech. Casual speech includes dropping letters from words, intentionally using poor grammar and taking lots of long pauses. Also touch your face a lot when you speak. There is a casual element to face touching that you may be missing.

Grayson if you put that all together you will become the Casual Man and may soon find yourself in a Dockers ad without even knowing it.

Love Holiday

Nurse Dave,
As the holiday of love just passed, I have a question for you. Have you ever had a male friend dress in all pink, including tights, wear a gigantic pink cardboard heart that says "luv u" on it, and parade around campus on Valentine's Day?

Just curious. I think we could all benefit from friends like that.

Your biggest fan,
Courtney Hohl Morris

Sorry about the lateness in the response Courtney. I'm still getting over my two week celebration of Valentine's Day. I can't really get enough of the holiday and I love tiny heart shaped confetti. I love Valentine's Day so much that I can even forgive the awful taste of Conversation Hearts (I just think we can do better). If my hospital allowed me to wear anything other than navy blue scrubs you can be assured there would be a lot of hearts on my scrubs (or at least a tasteful zebra print). In the end I'm in favor of any holiday that celebrates love.

I do happen to remember that guy with the tights. From what I understand he still wears them every Valentine's Day and they were a hit at the Boys Ranch that he currently works at. I also think there are plans to get tights that match each major holiday. May I suggest green for St. Patricks Day in a couple of weeks?

Finally some suggestions for next year (or just for your next romantic date)
1. Don't go out for steak and don't do sushi either, split the difference get some humus
2. Cooking dinner at home can be romantic. From what I understand the onion is the most sensual of the roots.
3. Dancing is the way to a woman's heart (Just this morning there was dancing at my house to this song. The part about how hard times come and hard times go is very much true.)
4. Sunsets are good.
5. Watch any movie based on a Nicholas Sparks book. I've only ever seen A Walk to Remember but when he gave her that sweater I began to understand what love was really about.
6. Go on a walk (this can be nice even if you didn't just give or receive a sweater).
7. Buy her a nice sweater (or him!)
8. Sing to her, sweetly.

Valentines 2012 (Nurse Dave on the left, Mrs. Nurse Dave on the right)

Bed Sores

Dear Nurse Dave,
What are bed sores and is this something I need to worry about?
Mitchell, Winthrop, MA

Mitchell you probably don't need to worry about them but bed sores are very real. In the nursing industry we call them pressure ulcers. They come in four stages and happen to people that can't move themselves. People with spinal injuries commonly get pressure ulcers but pressure ulcers can happen in other ways too. For example patients on ventilators usually are given enough sedation that they don't actually move themselves so without constant repositioning they can develop sores. It is generally accepted practice to "turn" the patient every 2 hours. The worst ones that I've seen have happened outside the hospital and bone has been peaking through. These sores generally occur at points on the body where there is constant pressure. Like the coccyx.

Good luck Mitchell and stay off your backside!

Warrior?

Dear Nurse Dave,
Please express any thoughts you may have on the film Warrior.
Dave, Mesa, AZ

Yes this email is from myself and yes I just saw warrior on Saturday night I think and yes I almost cried during the final scene. Rarely in film do you see such a powerful mix of awesome fighting and legitimate acting. Its as if they wrote a movie for Vin Diesel and Paul Walker but instead decided to cast real actors. Rarely do I see a film where upon finishing it I immediately watch the final scene again. Rarely do I stand up and cheer in my home during a movie. Rarely do movies teach such powerful lessons like - never tap out until your opponent says "I love you." I'm a little hesitant to say this but I think Fast 5 has just taken a step down the list of my favorite movies of 2011. Warrior is now number 1.

State Rankings

Dear Nurse Dave,
Can you rank in order the states that you lived in and give a reason for the ranking? I'm thinking of moving.
Barry, Cincinnati, OH

Forget that I'm going 1 to 50 here Barry. I've been to almost all of these states so I'd consider myself an expert. Sorry Barry but Ohio isn't very high on the list. First you have to know that mountains > beach. Secondly it hurts me to rank California so high but I have no choice. It is a fantastic state. Finally I could probably be convinced to change the ranking of almost any of these states, really its a honor just to be on the list.

1. Arizona - The most sunshine and the most saguaro cactus.
2. Utah - I once ran out of gas at squaw peak just outside Provo, UT. The view was amazing.
3. Colorado - I once got stuck on a rollercoaster in Denver in a near vertical position for about 45 minutes. Even that didn't ruin colorado.
4. California - Ignore the part where guys there call everyone "bro" and then you've probably got the best state in the union.
5. New Mexico - Val Kilmer lives here.
6. Virginia - One time I went on a run from my house to the Lincoln memorial.
7. Washington - I love apples.
8. New York - New York City is overrated but the rest of the state is probably underrated.
9 Wyoming - I've been to Yellowstone.
10 North Carolina - I've just got a good feeling about this place. I don't know why.
11 Massachusetts - A very difficult state to spell.
12 Louisiana - When we visit my relatives there is usually some kind of fish fry that happens where we fry everything. That is awesome.
13 Montana - Just watch Lonesome Dove and you'll understand. Plus don't worry about reading Lonesome Dove. The miniseries is better.
14 Tennessee - I like this song.
15/16 Vermont/New Hampshire - I'm not sure what the difference between these states is but I like both of them.
17 Oregon - There's some kind of attitude there that I'm not sure I like but I think they filmed the goonies there.
18 Alaska - Never been there but I've heard bizarre stories of moose blood flowing through the streets during the spring thaw.
19 Hawaii - Beautiful but hard to reach.
20 Wisconsin - I've heard good things about the custard there.
21 Illinois - People really like Chicago. I like the burger place in Phoenix run by a guy from Chicago. Also I really don't like the band Chicago.
22 Minnesota - All those lakes have to be pretty cool.
23 Idaho - If I was interested in farming I think it would be potato farming.
24 Maine - Beautiful in the summer from what I understand.
25 South Carolina - Sorry to have you so far below North Carolina. It probably isn't the first time.
26 Pennsylvania - Should this state be higher? Probably not.
27 Maryland - I just don't like the traffic in this entire state.
28 Connecticut - I forgot about this one.
29 Nebraska - If you've got to go midwest why not here?
30 Texas - People in Texas really love Texas. That enthusiasm alone should help. And it does. That's how it made the top 30.
31 Rhode Island - One of the original 13.
32 Florida - I saw an alligator here.
33 Michigan - Check out these sand dunes.
34 South Dakota - Mount Rushmore seems like a cry for attention.
35 Kentucky - We can thank Kentucky for one of Neil's greatest songs.
36 Georgia - They make Coke here.
37 Kansas - You made the top 40 Kansas!
38 Missouri - This state should be much higher on the list thanks to Branson alone. But due to the fact that I had three years of education in the Kansas school system I am obligated to rank Missouri lower than Kansas. Its what they teach in Kansas.
39 New Jersey - Really good pizza.
40 Alabama - I was born here.
41 Iowa - Just found out the Corn Palace isn't in Iowa. Iowa dropped pretty far down the list for that.
42 West Virginia - Thanks for all the hard work West Virginia and staying with the Union for the Civil War was a bold choice.
43 Ohio - Still am upset about that speeding ticket I got here.
44 North Dakota - One of the two states I've never been to.
45 Indiana - Just watched Hoosiers.
46 Arkansas - I once knew a girl from here. We stayed at her house and I slept in a waterbed there.
47 Oklahoma - I saw the Flaming Lips on New Years Eve in Oklahoma City. It was somewhat disturbing but the City was nice.
48 Delaware - I'm not sure what happens in Delaware other than a lot of Dunkin Donuts being consumed.
49 Mississippi - You're not last Mississsippi!
50 Nevada - Sorry Nevada. The whole state just makes me feel uncomfortable.