Black or Brown Shoes?

Dear Nurse Dave,
Should I wear the blacks shoes or the brown shoes?
David, Nashville, TN

First listen to this song. Now think about what look you're trying to go for. Black shoes = professional, tight pants, college educated, efficient, shoe shine, yogurt eating, probably shops at the GAP, well groomed hair, interested in the girl with the cool hair, purple tie, listens to hip hop. While brown shoes = might have gone to college but probably got a degree in something useless (English), full head of hair but not well combed, disorganized but still gets the job done, prefers smoothies, well read in subjects that don't matter, closet has at least one hawiian shirt, listens to folk music.

If this is for an interview go with the black shoes. If this is just daily life you've got to go brown.