Furious 6

Dear Nurse Dave,
Where have you been and more importantly how do you feel regarding Fast and Furious 6?
Mr. Pip, Lincolnshire, England

Well Pip I've been busy with other ventures, education and children.  Life can get quite full if you allow it to.  As far as Fast and Furious 6 (or Furious 6 as I prefer to call it) I would say its the movie of the year.  Flying head butts, flying clotheslines, radical plane takeoffs that just can't really take off, Diesels flying through the air to catch women and then landing on cars then later on the girl asks, "When did you see that the car would break our fall?" Diesel's answer, "I didn't."  Essentially Diesel was jumping just out of love, he had no idea that he'd survive.  I felt the same way entering the theatre.  I was jumping out of love having no idea what would break my fall.  Turns out that Paul Walker broke my fall with a brilliant scene set inside a prison.  Walker risked everything to atone for mistakes of the past.  The risk was worth it just to see how Walker would deal with being in prison, which was of course extremely well.  Only Paul Walker could be an internation criminal, check himself into a prison in LA and walk out a couple days later after kicking some serious ass.  The man is a genius.  Lets just run down the assets that Paul Walker has real quick.

Looks +
Acting chops +
Abs+
Hairstyle +
Genius +
Driving skills +
Heart to Heart talks +
Prison Survival +
Loves Dogs (see 8 below, seriously see it) +
Robbery skills (see takers, seriously it's awesome) +
Comedy (unintentional) +

Basically the guy took the blueprint that Keanu set out and took it to an entirely different level.  I'd like to thank both of them.




I haven't started talking about the Rock yet.  The Rock is everything you want in a badass, steroid-using international, law enforcement agent.  I never used to think steroids or tatoos were cool.  But now I'm sold on both. 

But the very best part of Furious 6 is the promise made at the very end.  The promise that there will be a Fast 7 with the implication that Fast and Furious V8 is a distinct possibility.  Thank you, Vin.  Thank you, Paul.  Thank you, Dwayne.  And also thanking you in advance, thank you, Jason. 

2:30 Feeling

Dear Nurse Dave,
What should I do when I get that 2:30 feeling like they talk about on 5 hour energy commercials?
Peter, St. Paul, MN

I'm glad you came to me Peter.  I'm actually experiencing that 2:30 feeling right now.  I have a fool-proof strategy for dealing with it and coming out the other side stronger.

My strategy is do something else.  Let me tell you what that means.  Let's say you're in class and you're nodding off to sleep, do something else.  Either leave class and go home (my personal favorite), draw a picture (i've already drawn three, one is a dinosaur), work on your nurse blog or ask a question that is off topic.  All of these things will wake you up and give you some serious energy. (once I'm done with this post I've got an off topic question to ask).

Other options include
- 20 quick push-ups - wakes you up and the ladies like a man with strong pecs
- dance party!!!
- power nap - oprah does this i think
- start a conversation about the incredible hulk. Everybody loves the Hulk.

$20,142,728.00

Dear Nurse Dave,
I am Mrs.Shirley Jones,i need your help to transfer 20,142,728.00 Million Dollars I inherited from my husband for more information, Please reply to me at mrs.shirley.jones@rogers.com

Sincerely,
Mrs. Shirley Jones

Sounds like you're in a bit of pickle Shirley.  What can I do for you?  Do you need a bank account number or perhaps a credit card number?  I have both of those.  Do you need a place to stay while you're waiting for the money?  I've got a van you could sleep in.  Just send me another email with the specifics and I'm in.  Seriously I'm totally in.

Or Shirley are you looking for ideas as to how to spend the money?  I've got those as well.

1. Pay off my student loans.
2. Buy me some of these sandals.
3. Waterbeds
4. an internet publishing company
5. maybe some kind of Willy Wonka Candy Land thing (chocolate rivers are radical).
6. An awesome cave slide like the one from Goonies
7. Pay me to write a script for Waterworld 2
8. a helicopter to avoid traffic
9. Maybe a interesting pet
10. Bathtub full of M&Ms or maybe even a swimming pool
11. One of those Duck vehicles that can drive on land and be a boat
12. Start a museum (about whatever you're interested in, mine would probably be a candy museum wouldn't that be cool?)
13. Rocket Skates
14. Make an outdoor sculpture

There's plenty more ideas.  Just let me know Shirley.  We can do this together.

Skegness

Dear nurse Dave,

My friend just returned from Birmingham and she said Skegness was great so my question is, is there a cure for lying, and if so when are you going to stop being such a liar?

Love,
grayson weeks
Utah

Grayson you are probably referring to my well known anti-Skegness stance ever since the 6 months I spent there.  First I'm going to point you to the Skegness tourism site.  Take a minute and explore around a little bit.  Maybe click on the things to do tab.  You'll notice a link for Nature Land. I didn't know penguins could cry until I went there.  

Maybe you can click on the shopping link.  The first thing to come up there?  Inkantations, a local tattoo shop that literally asks, "Looking for a new tattoo during your stay in Skegness? Why not pay a visit to Inkantations?"  Next up Skegness Mobility followed closely by Mr Big Stuff, "Supplying big and tall outsize clothing and large clothing for men in the Lincolnshire area."  Then of course Mooch Perfect Gifts, "Mooch Gift Shop offers a wide range of quality goods to suit every age and budget, whether your male or female there will be something I'm sure you will like."  Well I'm male so I'm pretty sure they'll have something for me.  No other shops are listed.  That's it.

Maybe you're looking for a place to stay.  Look no further than the caravan section of the site.  Don't worry grayson there are plenty of trailers actually for sale as well.  And remember if you're looking for some kind of mobility device to help you get from your trailer to town there is always Skegness Mobility.   

Really I think it is summed up by the classic advertising slogan, "Skegness is SO bracing."  That is the slogan for the city and I think it fits perfectly.  Everyday I lived there I woke up braced for disappointment and I was disappointed.  But Grayson even though I don't love Skegness I learned a lot from it.  I learned that buying a bread bowl to put a can of chili in can sometimes be the best part of a day.  I learned that sometimes having a terribly sprained ankle isn't a bad thing.  I learned that it is possible to knock on every door in a town.  I learned that seeing a KFC can sometimes feel like coming home.  I learned that it is possible for a bird to poop on you as it flies by.  I learned that if you put on enough weight anyone can look like a Far Side character.  I learned that they don't let adults do the donkey beach rides.  Really I learned to be braced for the rest of life.  So thank you Skegness.  I'm braced.

Planet of the Apes

Dear Nurse Dave,
Where have you been?  I was just watching Planet of the Apes the other day and I wonder if you think Charlton Heston may have pushed it a bit too far?  I think we can all appreciate why he was so upset with the apes but why was he so upset with the human race?

Maggie, East Rutherford, NJ


Well, Maggie I've been a bit busy.  I'm enrolled in school and I've been really trying to focus on my weight lifting so you know how it goes.

Anyway I don't think its possible for Charlton to take it too far.  Each time he has a mental breakdown and yells out during Planet of the Apes it takes the movie to an entirely new level.  His performance saves the movie from being a glass of warm milk and turns the movie into chocolate milk (maybe even super chocolate milk which is chocolate milk with frozen banannas and peanut butter blended into it).  From the classic, "Take your stinkin' paws off me..." to the maybe even more classic, "Its a madhouse!" The man just nails it.

Now to carry on with the discussion regarding the human race I do think that Charlton has a view that is a little too negative.  The whole reason Charlton accepts the mission to space to begin with is to try to find something better than humanity in the universe.  Unfortunately he doesn't.  He finds the Apes.  He really needs to relax and see the good in people.  He's able to do this a little bit during the film by making friends with the super hot mute babe.  But in the end he just gets more disappointed.  I don't want to spoil the ending for anybody but let's just say it isn't happy and doesn't reflect well on humanity.  It also involves Charlton yelling for one final time, "You maniacs!" He just can't stop nailing it. 

Side note:  Two actors dressed as chimpanzees kissing just shouldn't really happy.

Face off with Con Air

Dear Nurse Dave,

Which of these two Nicholas Cage movies is better: Face/Off or Con Air? Please explain your answer.


Spencer, Chicago, Illinois


First of all Spence its probably good that you limited the discussion to only two of his films.  If we had to start looking into Bangkok dangerous, Season of the Witch or Wicker Man we'd have a discussion on our hands that couldn't be limited to one blog post (or even one lifetime).  


So lets take a closer look at these two films.  


Supporting Casts - 
  
Face/Off you pretty much just have Travolta, who is of course awesome but I've never been that into his work since he left behind the Look Who's Talking series.  I felt like there were still a few good ideas in that series and that Travolta left it a little too soon (for example maybe after the pets started talking the furniture could start talking like in Beauty and the Beast.  Recently I saw an elementary school production of Beauty and the Beast the kids did awesome except for the kid that played the candle sticks.  He kept using a different accent everytime he spoke.  The candle stick is french, there is no place for an English accent).


Con Air gives you Malkovich, Buscemi, Ving Rhames, Dave Chappelle, John Cusack, DannyTrejo it just doesn't stop.


Winner - Con Air


Nick's Hair - 


Face/Off - Nick just gives you a pretty standard buzzcut sort of thing.  It actually looks pretty good.


Con Air - This is probably Nick's hair's greatest performance.  


Winner - Con Air


Nick's Character's Name


Face/Off - Castor Troy


Con Air - Cameron Poe


Winner - Tie (these are pretty much the exact same badass 1990's name, I'm afraid of both guys)


Less Believable Plot


Face/Off - Nick and John trade faces and lives then fight each other.  


Con Air - Nick is just trying to get home.  He finally got paroled but man did he get on the wrong plane.  You never should get on a plane with Malkovich.  Never.


Winner - Face/Off.  I can believe Nick's hair in Con Air well before I can believe trading faces with Travolta.


Most Awesome Action Scene


Face/Off - I'm pretty sure they do some slow motion shooting at each other.


Con Air - They don't have enough fuel to get to the Vegas airport so they crash the plane right on the Vegas strip.  It is awesome and just when you think the movie is finally over.  It isn't.  Here's the scene for your viewing pleasure.  





Winner - Con Air


So its pretty clear here Spence.  While Face/Off does feature some Oscar caliber performances it just doesn't match up with Con Air.  Con Air has better hair, better action and a better supporting cast.  So if you had to go to a desert island with just one of these two movies its gotta be Con Air.  

Personal Lawyer

Dear Nurse Dave,

Do you have a lawyer? Like your own personal lawyer?

Steel
Madison, WI


My personal lawyer practices law in the state of Nevada and has a long flowing ponytail.  He practices in Nevada for a wide variety of legal reasons (evictions are his speciality) and he wears his hair long for a number of other reasons (the guy owns a flying v guitar). 


My lawyer advises me that ponytails are a prerquisite for awesome lawyering (a side career in hip-hop can also be helpful).


I for one only take legal advice from men that have ponytails and have serious musical talent.