Thank You Paul Walker

Dear Nurse Dave,
I understand that you were a huge Paul Walker fan.  How have you been holding up?
Mike, Denver, CO

Its been tough Mike.  I've never been more affected by a celebrity's death.  I still maintain that had he been driving the car it never would have crashed.  Most reports show that Paul was a good guy and he was leaving an event for his charity when he died.  I know its been a while since he passed but I just needed this time to find some hope.  Here's what gives me hope.

- Paul's brothers are finishing his scenes for Fast 7.
- We still have 8 Below with Paul's awesome introduction of the dogs. 
- Brick Mansion's twist ending blew my mind. 
- I've still not seen Meet the Deedles and it looks awesome.  Here's the summary on IMDB,  "Two surfers end up as Yellowstone park rangers and have to stop a former ranger who is out for revenge."  Paul is one of those surfers.
- Paul's Charity is still going. 

I'm just glad that Paul gave me what he gave me.  I'll be grateful for every scene from the entire Fast and Furious franchise.  I can honestly say they are my favorite films of all time.  This scene below inspired me to be a father.  Thanks Paul.

 

Built to Idaho

Dear Nurse Dave,

Is Built to Spill the best thing to come out of Idaho?

Spencer, Idaho

Spence let's be honest.  I know that you live in Chicago, that you don't own a car, you only own one sweatshirt and that you really like the word, "urban."  But I also know that you are from Idaho so I will answer your question.

Built to Spill for those of you that are not familiar is the greatest indie rock band of the 90's and is still making music today (yes its even still good).  They are famous for beards, awesome guitar stuff, very long songs and being very polite.  I've seen them in concert several times and own all of their music (once I saw them twice in about an 18 month span and the lead singer was wearing the same sweater both times. it wasn't a nice sweater.).

But what else does Idaho have to offer?  I think the answer is pretty clear.  Potatoes.  I once spent significant time with a potato farmer and his natural love for the potato only infused me with a love for potatoes as well.  I think the most interesting thing that he explained to me is that the price of potatoes varies greatly year to year so most conservative farmers plant about the same amount of potatoes each year while rotating in other crops such as barley.  The varying price of potatoes sometimes makes the farmer take a loss on growing the crop or sometimes brings in a lot of money.  So from time to time a farmer may decide to take a gamble and plant as many potatoes as they can.  If this happens to coincide with a year of higher potato prices the farmer can make a ton of money and basically retire from farming.  Idaho potato farmers can potentially gamble on their crops.  I'm all for this practice because I really enjoy Idaho potatoes.

So really the question is what's better Built to Spill or Potatoes?  The thing to keep in mind is that potatoes can also come from other sources.  Sometimes I prefer a red potato or a sweet potato or even a yam to the standard Idaho potato.  Washington potatoes are nearly as good.  So if I had to give up one thing.  I'd give up the Idaho potato because I think Washington could just pick up the slack.  But a life without Built to Spill would seem a just a little bit empty.  


My top 10 Built to Spill songs are as follows.

Else
Broken Chairs
She's Real (its a cover song)
Car
Stop the Show
Stab
The Weather
Still Flat
Goin' Against Your Mind
Carry the Zero    

Board Games

Dear Nurse Dave,
From what I understand you're a huge fan of board games. Do you have any ideas for your own board game?
Rudy, Casa Grande, AZ

I am a huge fan of board games. Extremely nerdy ones usually involving stuff on this website.

My idea for a board game is so far hasn't received a lot of support from those I've shared it with. I think we're all very familiar with "Yo Mama" jokes. you know jokes at yo mama's expense usually critisizing her intellegence, looks, or weight. So imagine a spinner with the categories, "fat", "ugly", "stupid" and maybe smaller areas featuring "crazy" and "poor." Then say the spinner lands on fat. Then you pull a card from the subject box that has a great variety of subjects. For example the subject could be "waterbeds." Then each player has to come up with a Yo Mama joke in the fat category based on waterbeds. Like, "Yo, Mama so fat that when she jumps on her waterbed the neighborhood kids come by and yell, 'Thar she blows.'" I literally came up with that joke while playing the game earlier today. Then a vote is made and the best joke wins. Its usually pretty obvious which joke is the best. The player with the most winning jokes is obviously the winner.

Some people have found this game both distasteful and juvenile.  I think they're right.  Really you've got to treat your momma right.

Swayze's B-day

Dear Nurse Dave,

I’m an entertainment blogger, and I write primarily about film. As you may know, August 18th would have been Patrick Swayze’s 61st birthday. He’s one of my favorite actors, and I’ve been doing a lot of research with the hope of writing a piece to commemorate his career.

The site who I contract with doesn’t seem that interested in this, and I’m reaching out to you because I saw what you had posted about Patrick Swayze and his role in Point Break. Perhaps I could write a guest post about Patrick Swayze for your site?

Here are some of the angles I’ve been thinking about:

• Patrick Swayze’s ballet abilities -did all his own dancing in films
• His most notable roles (Dirty Dancing, Ghost, Donnie Darko)
• What he’s known for: his 80s hair (possibly who has this now!)
• Other notable young actors that are up and coming, and can replace the generation of stars Patrick Swayze was in.

I’m also happy to hear whatever ideas you may have on the subject.

Does a guest post for Patrick’s birthday sound like something that would interest your readers?

Thanks,

Elizabeth Eckhart

The answer is of course yes. You'd be hard pressed to find someone more interested in Patrick Swayze than myself. Here's a few things I'd be interested in

1. His ballet abilities - that sounds fascinating and awesome

2. His workout regime - How did he get such great body?

3. Who cut his hair? Was it his wife? (my wife cuts mine)

4. Why did his career fall apart? I was really hoping for more from him.

5. Was he really in to horses or is this photo above just kind of a one off thing?

6. Did he have some kind of code that he lived by? (Example - Vin Diesel's code in the fast and furious movies is "Family").

7. Was there plans for a Point Break 2? (I do have a partial script written for Point Break 2. We'll just say that Swayze's character survives the surf at the end of the first one and he gets his hands on some serious weaponry).

8. Honestly, I just miss him.

Sports, why?

Dear Nurse Dave,
Are you aware that people really, really like sports? Can you explain this phenomenon?
Paul, St. Paul, MN

First of all Paul, we have to understand that people are searching for meaning in life. People want each day to have some kind of purpose and some kind of fulfillment. This search can be difficult and sometimes even distressing so many people abandon this search and instead become interested in sports. Sports seems to fill a hole in life by offering a completely inane happening and assigning great importance to it. In the grand scheme of life is it important that a man can't kick an oblong ball through two yellow poles? Of course not this can't mean anything but however it can mean everything.

There are countless people out there with no meaning in their lives and therefore have nothing to talk about.  Again this is where sports fills a hole.  Two male coworkers at the University of Phoenix making phone calls to sell people on attending college may not have much to talk about or  a lot in common.  They can talk about sports.  When conversation starts to die at a boring dinner party, what can be done?  Bring up sports.  When I meet another male nurse what's the first thing I do?  I see if he likes sports.  Holes need to be filled.

So Paul the appeal of sports is that we can care a whole lot about something that doesn't really matter at all and then talk to other people about it. This is a lot easier than caring about something that actually matters. When I was 18 I attended a world series game in Yankee Stadium. The Yankees were down and Chuck Knoblauch hit a 3 run homer. The stadium erupted. A little bit later the bases were loaded.   I turned to my dad and said the only thing that could make this cooler is if Tino hits a grand slam. Tino  hit the grand slam.  I was high fiving and hugging people I'd never met before.  I don't even like to hug people I know. 50,000 people were going nuts and it seemed as if something really important had happened.  It was like watching the Moon Landing with 50,000 people but even cooler because the event didn't bring up any deeper questions.  And I was there, I was a part of it. Now its 15 years later. Tino just got fired from being a hitting instructor because he was verbally abusive to players. Chuck Knoblauch got the Yips only a year or so after he hit the homer. He could no longer make accurate throws while playing second base. He went from being one of the best fielding second basemen in the sport to being unable to throw the ball to first. I know these facts because I was there for the World Series. I know these facts because somehow despite everything they seem important to me. I know these facts so that I can have meaningless conversations. Paul I too love sports. I enjoy watching something that I know means nothing and reacting in the moment as if it means everything. 

1998 - Yes I believe that is a mock turtle neck I'm wearing
 and no mock turtle necks were not fashionable in 1998.

The Bachelor

Dear Nurse Dave,
I just got done looking through your blog and don't know why I only check it every few months. But that has nothing to do with my question. Here it goes... It's my first time watching a season of The Bachelor so I am a bit of a novice and have some questions. First of all, have you ever watched The Bachelor? And second, how serious do you think the contestants take the show? Are they acting or do they really think that they are going to find love? Most grateful for your insights!

Amy, Currently living in Kansas

So unfortunately Amy I've never seen the show but fortunately that doesn't stop me from having an opinion on the subject. My general exposure to pop culture does help me know pretty much everything there is to know about the Bachelor. I've also watched an episode of Nathan For You where he pretty much does the same show as the bachelor.  Let's start with the basics.

So there's an attractive guy (most likely with great abs) and a bunch of attractive girls (also with good abs).  He slowly eliminates them until he picks the one he'll marry.  They are eliminated by various means usually involving a hot tub, skydiving or going out to eat.  Finally the bachelor picks the girl that looked the best in the hot tub, didn't make him feel emasculated while skydiving and had good table manners.  From what I understand all of these marriages are extremely successful and this is probably the ideal way to choose a mate.  Hence the Bachelorette, so that women could have an opportunity to also choose a mate in a similar way. I've heard some say that the first airing of the Bachelorette is when the women's rights movement really got headed in the right direction.

These are likely real laughs at a rose ceremony.

But I have glossed over perhaps the most important aspect of the show.  It's called the rose ceremony.  This is the time when all of the attractive girls are lined up and the bachelor gives a rose to each one that he's going to keep until next week.  It is a lot like getting picked for kickball only rather than just rejecting someone based on kickball ability the bachelor is rejecting an entire personality.  Really the problem with the rose ceremony is that it is only used on this show.  There are plenty of other situations where we could really do with a rose ceremony like: choosing coworkers; choosing plumbers; choosing cell phone companies; and of course choosing kickball teams.

So in conclusion I've never seen the show but from what I know about it I really, really want to see the show.  Fortunately I'm already married and it has been successful despite not beginning on a reality TV series.  But for anyone else out there that is still single I'd suggest trying it.  I can't imagine someone going on television not sincerely looking for love.  We just live in a terrific world.

Aging and Addiction

Dear Nurse Dave:

I have a question about the human body.

I keep getting older, larger, and slower (I also have receding gums, though I hear they're not uncommon). Are there any positive health outcomes or evolutionary plusses to getting older, larger, and slower? Aside from getting older meaning you're still alive, which I consider a plus for sure?

I also have an addiction to fennel seeds, which I eat even though they mess up my mouth. Have you ever heard of this addiction?

Thanks for your medical professionalism!

Laurel, Madison WI

I do pride myself on professionalism and of course my singing voice.   Many unconscious patients have been serenaded by my powerful tenor.  

Anyway Laurel first you'll have to forgive the lateness of my reply, I too am aging.  Second lets address this addiction problem of yours.  I do have a little bit of experience with the subject but I typically deal with those addicted to illicit substances rather than fennel.  Lets just run a quick side by side comparison of addiction.  A heroin addict typically spends about $100 per day on his/her habit and can use the heroin by smoking or injecting.  Fennel seeds cost somewhere around $10 a pound and you'd have to have a serious problem to ingest that many seeds daily.  So just from a financial standpoint you're coming out ahead.  Then from what I understand the main problem fennel is going to give you is possibly upset tummy and maybe some constipation.  That's right too much fiber can actually constipate you.  So I'd suggest take your fennel in moderation and stay well hydrated.

As for the aging question I'm first going to refer you to my favorite extinct animal, the giant sloth.  These things were about 20 feet tall and very slow.  I can just imagine making friends with one and going all over town with him just like Danny and the Dinosaur.  Of course giant sloths eventually became extinct because of the natural disadvantages that come from being old, large and slow.  The same process works with humans on an individual basis we get older, larger and slower until one day we break a hip and thats it (of course you can survive breaking a hip it just usually involves hip replacement surgery which usually involves the largest drills and power tools I've ever seen).



But don't get discouraged Laurel there are advantages to aging as well.  Let's explore those.

1. Wisdom 

2. Potential for using handicap parking spots

3. There's no need to understand the internet (i don't really and I'm only in my thirties)

4. Growing patriotism  

5. Dinner theatre (I once saw a production of the King and I while eating dinner with my retired father-in-law.  Amazing production.)

6. Retirement (my dad does this)

7. Eventually the clothes you have will come back into fashion

8. Cruises (went on one also with the father-in-law)

Me on a cruise.  I was a little too young at the time.

9. You can get super cranky and no one can really do anything about it (this happens a lot)

10.  You can get super nice and everyone thinks you're the best because you are the best (my wife's grandma)

11. Coming to grips with mortality

12. Discounts almost everywhere

13. Florida

14. Snowbirds (you can live in nice weather all year round, there are places where it doesn't snow)

Well Laurel I hope you receive some hope from all this.  I know I did.  

Furious 6

Dear Nurse Dave,
Where have you been and more importantly how do you feel regarding Fast and Furious 6?
Mr. Pip, Lincolnshire, England

Well Pip I've been busy with other ventures, education and children.  Life can get quite full if you allow it to.  As far as Fast and Furious 6 (or Furious 6 as I prefer to call it) I would say its the movie of the year.  Flying head butts, flying clotheslines, radical plane takeoffs that just can't really take off, Diesels flying through the air to catch women and then landing on cars then later on the girl asks, "When did you see that the car would break our fall?" Diesel's answer, "I didn't."  Essentially Diesel was jumping just out of love, he had no idea that he'd survive.  I felt the same way entering the theatre.  I was jumping out of love having no idea what would break my fall.  Turns out that Paul Walker broke my fall with a brilliant scene set inside a prison.  Walker risked everything to atone for mistakes of the past.  The risk was worth it just to see how Walker would deal with being in prison, which was of course extremely well.  Only Paul Walker could be an internation criminal, check himself into a prison in LA and walk out a couple days later after kicking some serious ass.  The man is a genius.  Lets just run down the assets that Paul Walker has real quick.

Looks +
Acting chops +
Abs+
Hairstyle +
Genius +
Driving skills +
Heart to Heart talks +
Prison Survival +
Loves Dogs (see 8 below, seriously see it) +
Robbery skills (see takers, seriously it's awesome) +
Comedy (unintentional) +

Basically the guy took the blueprint that Keanu set out and took it to an entirely different level.  I'd like to thank both of them.




I haven't started talking about the Rock yet.  The Rock is everything you want in a badass, steroid-using international, law enforcement agent.  I never used to think steroids or tatoos were cool.  But now I'm sold on both. 

But the very best part of Furious 6 is the promise made at the very end.  The promise that there will be a Fast 7 with the implication that Fast and Furious V8 is a distinct possibility.  Thank you, Vin.  Thank you, Paul.  Thank you, Dwayne.  And also thanking you in advance, thank you, Jason. 

2:30 Feeling

Dear Nurse Dave,
What should I do when I get that 2:30 feeling like they talk about on 5 hour energy commercials?
Peter, St. Paul, MN

I'm glad you came to me Peter.  I'm actually experiencing that 2:30 feeling right now.  I have a fool-proof strategy for dealing with it and coming out the other side stronger.

My strategy is do something else.  Let me tell you what that means.  Let's say you're in class and you're nodding off to sleep, do something else.  Either leave class and go home (my personal favorite), draw a picture (i've already drawn three, one is a dinosaur), work on your nurse blog or ask a question that is off topic.  All of these things will wake you up and give you some serious energy. (once I'm done with this post I've got an off topic question to ask).

Other options include
- 20 quick push-ups - wakes you up and the ladies like a man with strong pecs
- dance party!!!
- power nap - oprah does this i think
- start a conversation about the incredible hulk. Everybody loves the Hulk.

$20,142,728.00

Dear Nurse Dave,
I am Mrs.Shirley Jones,i need your help to transfer 20,142,728.00 Million Dollars I inherited from my husband for more information, Please reply to me at mrs.shirley.jones@rogers.com

Sincerely,
Mrs. Shirley Jones

Sounds like you're in a bit of pickle Shirley.  What can I do for you?  Do you need a bank account number or perhaps a credit card number?  I have both of those.  Do you need a place to stay while you're waiting for the money?  I've got a van you could sleep in.  Just send me another email with the specifics and I'm in.  Seriously I'm totally in.

Or Shirley are you looking for ideas as to how to spend the money?  I've got those as well.

1. Pay off my student loans.
2. Buy me some of these sandals.
3. Waterbeds
4. an internet publishing company
5. maybe some kind of Willy Wonka Candy Land thing (chocolate rivers are radical).
6. An awesome cave slide like the one from Goonies
7. Pay me to write a script for Waterworld 2
8. a helicopter to avoid traffic
9. Maybe a interesting pet
10. Bathtub full of M&Ms or maybe even a swimming pool
11. One of those Duck vehicles that can drive on land and be a boat
12. Start a museum (about whatever you're interested in, mine would probably be a candy museum wouldn't that be cool?)
13. Rocket Skates
14. Make an outdoor sculpture

There's plenty more ideas.  Just let me know Shirley.  We can do this together.

Skegness

Dear nurse Dave,

My friend just returned from Birmingham and she said Skegness was great so my question is, is there a cure for lying, and if so when are you going to stop being such a liar?

Love,
grayson weeks
Utah

Grayson you are probably referring to my well known anti-Skegness stance ever since the 6 months I spent there.  First I'm going to point you to the Skegness tourism site.  Take a minute and explore around a little bit.  Maybe click on the things to do tab.  You'll notice a link for Nature Land. I didn't know penguins could cry until I went there.  

Maybe you can click on the shopping link.  The first thing to come up there?  Inkantations, a local tattoo shop that literally asks, "Looking for a new tattoo during your stay in Skegness? Why not pay a visit to Inkantations?"  Next up Skegness Mobility followed closely by Mr Big Stuff, "Supplying big and tall outsize clothing and large clothing for men in the Lincolnshire area."  Then of course Mooch Perfect Gifts, "Mooch Gift Shop offers a wide range of quality goods to suit every age and budget, whether your male or female there will be something I'm sure you will like."  Well I'm male so I'm pretty sure they'll have something for me.  No other shops are listed.  That's it.

Maybe you're looking for a place to stay.  Look no further than the caravan section of the site.  Don't worry grayson there are plenty of trailers actually for sale as well.  And remember if you're looking for some kind of mobility device to help you get from your trailer to town there is always Skegness Mobility.   

Really I think it is summed up by the classic advertising slogan, "Skegness is SO bracing."  That is the slogan for the city and I think it fits perfectly.  Everyday I lived there I woke up braced for disappointment and I was disappointed.  But Grayson even though I don't love Skegness I learned a lot from it.  I learned that buying a bread bowl to put a can of chili in can sometimes be the best part of a day.  I learned that sometimes having a terribly sprained ankle isn't a bad thing.  I learned that it is possible to knock on every door in a town.  I learned that seeing a KFC can sometimes feel like coming home.  I learned that it is possible for a bird to poop on you as it flies by.  I learned that if you put on enough weight anyone can look like a Far Side character.  I learned that they don't let adults do the donkey beach rides.  Really I learned to be braced for the rest of life.  So thank you Skegness.  I'm braced.

Planet of the Apes

Dear Nurse Dave,
Where have you been?  I was just watching Planet of the Apes the other day and I wonder if you think Charlton Heston may have pushed it a bit too far?  I think we can all appreciate why he was so upset with the apes but why was he so upset with the human race?

Maggie, East Rutherford, NJ


Well, Maggie I've been a bit busy.  I'm enrolled in school and I've been really trying to focus on my weight lifting so you know how it goes.

Anyway I don't think its possible for Charlton to take it too far.  Each time he has a mental breakdown and yells out during Planet of the Apes it takes the movie to an entirely new level.  His performance saves the movie from being a glass of warm milk and turns the movie into chocolate milk (maybe even super chocolate milk which is chocolate milk with frozen banannas and peanut butter blended into it).  From the classic, "Take your stinkin' paws off me..." to the maybe even more classic, "Its a madhouse!" The man just nails it.

Now to carry on with the discussion regarding the human race I do think that Charlton has a view that is a little too negative.  The whole reason Charlton accepts the mission to space to begin with is to try to find something better than humanity in the universe.  Unfortunately he doesn't.  He finds the Apes.  He really needs to relax and see the good in people.  He's able to do this a little bit during the film by making friends with the super hot mute babe.  But in the end he just gets more disappointed.  I don't want to spoil the ending for anybody but let's just say it isn't happy and doesn't reflect well on humanity.  It also involves Charlton yelling for one final time, "You maniacs!" He just can't stop nailing it. 

Side note:  Two actors dressed as chimpanzees kissing just shouldn't really happy.

Face off with Con Air

Dear Nurse Dave,

Which of these two Nicholas Cage movies is better: Face/Off or Con Air? Please explain your answer.


Spencer, Chicago, Illinois


First of all Spence its probably good that you limited the discussion to only two of his films.  If we had to start looking into Bangkok dangerous, Season of the Witch or Wicker Man we'd have a discussion on our hands that couldn't be limited to one blog post (or even one lifetime).  


So lets take a closer look at these two films.  


Supporting Casts - 
  
Face/Off you pretty much just have Travolta, who is of course awesome but I've never been that into his work since he left behind the Look Who's Talking series.  I felt like there were still a few good ideas in that series and that Travolta left it a little too soon (for example maybe after the pets started talking the furniture could start talking like in Beauty and the Beast.  Recently I saw an elementary school production of Beauty and the Beast the kids did awesome except for the kid that played the candle sticks.  He kept using a different accent everytime he spoke.  The candle stick is french, there is no place for an English accent).


Con Air gives you Malkovich, Buscemi, Ving Rhames, Dave Chappelle, John Cusack, DannyTrejo it just doesn't stop.


Winner - Con Air


Nick's Hair - 


Face/Off - Nick just gives you a pretty standard buzzcut sort of thing.  It actually looks pretty good.


Con Air - This is probably Nick's hair's greatest performance.  


Winner - Con Air


Nick's Character's Name


Face/Off - Castor Troy


Con Air - Cameron Poe


Winner - Tie (these are pretty much the exact same badass 1990's name, I'm afraid of both guys)


Less Believable Plot


Face/Off - Nick and John trade faces and lives then fight each other.  


Con Air - Nick is just trying to get home.  He finally got paroled but man did he get on the wrong plane.  You never should get on a plane with Malkovich.  Never.


Winner - Face/Off.  I can believe Nick's hair in Con Air well before I can believe trading faces with Travolta.


Most Awesome Action Scene


Face/Off - I'm pretty sure they do some slow motion shooting at each other.


Con Air - They don't have enough fuel to get to the Vegas airport so they crash the plane right on the Vegas strip.  It is awesome and just when you think the movie is finally over.  It isn't.  Here's the scene for your viewing pleasure.  





Winner - Con Air


So its pretty clear here Spence.  While Face/Off does feature some Oscar caliber performances it just doesn't match up with Con Air.  Con Air has better hair, better action and a better supporting cast.  So if you had to go to a desert island with just one of these two movies its gotta be Con Air.  

Personal Lawyer

Dear Nurse Dave,

Do you have a lawyer? Like your own personal lawyer?

Steel
Madison, WI


My personal lawyer practices law in the state of Nevada and has a long flowing ponytail.  He practices in Nevada for a wide variety of legal reasons (evictions are his speciality) and he wears his hair long for a number of other reasons (the guy owns a flying v guitar). 


My lawyer advises me that ponytails are a prerquisite for awesome lawyering (a side career in hip-hop can also be helpful).


I for one only take legal advice from men that have ponytails and have serious musical talent.

Camaro

Dear Nurse Dave,
Is it true that all male nurses drive Camaros?
Patrick, Green Bay, Wisconsin

Yes Patrick it is true.   Most popular are the Camaros made in the 1990s preferably the IROC-Z because then it says IROC-Z on the side of your car.

Other rumors you may have heard about male nurses that are also true include
- Male nurses love Patrick Swayze (it doesn't matter what film from Ghost to Black Dog all male nurses love Patrick Swayze)
- Male nurse love to dance
- Male nursing is always the second career choice

Some rumors that are not true
- All male nurses have tons of chest hair
- Male nurses love the Transformer movies due to their love of camaros (most of us actually feel like they didn't utilize cameros enough in the films)
- No male nurse works in labor and delivery (a few dudes do do this)

Small Talk

Dear Nurse Dave,

I don't like small talk and am therefore horrible at it. I would like to want to get better at it so I can exchange meaningless pleasantries with other people and make them feel like I like them because most of the time I do, but they think I don't because I am horrible at small talk.

Any tips? I'll take my answer off the air. 

Thanks,

Jordan

Henderson, Nevada

I've got a bag full of tips for you Jordan because I once suffered from the same problem.  The first thing you need to do is stop thinking of the small talk as a conversation, think of it as a competition.   The person that tells the most interesting anecdote wins and that person needs to be you.  Calvin illustrates my point well in this strip.

In the small talk you must focus on three goals, 1) inflate your intelligence 2) inflate your comedy, which naturally leads to 3) inflate your self esteem.  People naturally like funny people with high self esteem.  But to achieve these goals you have to be prepared.  You can't go into small talk without a plan otherwise you could end up on the wrong side of the conversation (think about being cornered by a talker).

Here's what I do.  I go into each week with 3 stories or subjects ready to go for any situation. I gather these stories by listening to NPR, reading the internet and by living life.  You may remember an anecdote I told recently when I saw you.  I was dealing with a patient that was refusing clothing and I had to give him an IV.  I tried to settle him down a little and got him to lie in the correct direction on his bed.  I told him, "I need you to lay still because I have to stick you with this needle."  He said in reply with an intense anger or even hatred, "You son of a bitch."  I must have used that story 10 to 15 times over the next two weeks.  With each retelling I got better at telling the story.  The result was that people thought I was funnier than I actually am which inflated my self-esteem.  By bringing up stories from NPR I sound smarter than I actually am and by reading the internet I seem more informed than I actually am.  The trick is that you don't need to really know anything about a subject, just know that the subject exists.  

Jordan, you wouldn't go into a battle without ammunition.  You wouldn't try to drive to Montana without gas in your tank.  You wouldn't go on a picnic without a basket full of food (preferably fried chicken).  So why are you trying to have small talk without 3-4 ready to use anecdotes? 

Here's three suggestions for next week

1. Thomas Edison once forced cats to box each other (from the internet).

2. Albums everyone loves (from NPR).

3. Some acupuncture practitioners seem to know only slightly more about acupuncture than me and I've never even had acupuncture (from living life). 

Good luck!

Shapeshifting Bears

Dear Nurse Dave,
Do you think it's realistic that a shapeshifting bear would be "a reasonable, mellow, easygoing kind of guy"?
Spencer, Chicago, IL


Oh Spencer if you only knew.  The Shapeshifting bear you're referring to is of course named Crush and let me share some quotes from people that know him best.  Namely those that read the book.


 "I had a big soft spot for Crush. He's just so adorable, but can and would rip the arms off someone if they needed their arms ripped off. He `fan-girl crushes' on all the hockey players, and has moments of losing speech when he meets Cella's dad who is Crush's hockey idol. Crush has so many scenes that were just endearing to me and made all the sweeter considering the amount of insanity he's surrounded by, namely Cella."  Jess


"Lou "Crush" Crushek is usually a very laid back guy. But he makes the mistake of having one too many Jell-O shots at a co-worker's party and wakes up next to a naked She-Tiger." Katie


As you can see Spence its easy to be laid back and mellow that is until you wake up next to a naked she-tiger whose name happens to be Cella.  Here's some comments on Cella.


"I was a bit too excited to read this novel.  Especially when I realized that the main female character, Cella, was in a pro shapeshifting hockey league." Stephanie


"The heroine is not a `lily' girl and I love her for that. She lives - and thrives - in a men's world and respected at it too. Aside from her killer instinct and skill, she is just like most women - single mom, has her own family drama, two best friends at both end of spectrum, and a two job that she enjoys." Bukcrz


In case you were wondering the book is awesome.


"It took me a little over four hours to read this book simply because I DEVOURED it. Yes, I said devoured. It was more than just kick-a**, it was more than a steamy scene in the sheets, it was MORE than a love story, there was so MUCH to this book, it's hard to pinpoint what I loved the most, but I think it would have to be, that this book inspired me." Cassie


"There is no way anything Laurenston (the author of the book) writes should get less than 5 stars. Period. Her sexy humor is a delight, the character development satisfying, and the romance itself makes you smile. There's danger, action, love, sex, and shape-shifters. What more could a reader want? (Okay, maybe chocolate.)" Annette


"I loved this book, it was better than any other book she's written and I would know, I've read them all." Spencer 


So I think we can all agree now.  Shapeshifting bears can be mellow and laid back but watch out when a she-tiger gets involved.  Things tend to get steamy.  My only advice would be to purchase some chocolate to eat while you're reading and hold on.  Its going to be a steamy ride.  

Say You, Say Me?

Dear Nurse Dave,
What does it feel like to love and hate something at the same time?  Feel free to use Lionel Richie's Say You Say Me to explain.
Melissa, Somewhere in Virginia

Here goes, first lets examine the video.

Lionel Richie - Say You Say Me by sayit

First let me say I had to watch a commercial involving birth control before the video started.  Its interesting that birth control commercials always focus on a woman's active lifestyle and rarely imply what the product is actually used for.  This commercial used paper cut out animation.  Not as fun as those Yaz ads where the girl cuts her bangs and another one paints a wall orange.

Here goes, the video is starting with Lionel rising up from the ground most likely with a few buckets of dry ice going to steam it up a little.  I'm assuming Lionel used this song in some kind of dancing drama movie.  Lionel must know that I have a soft spot for angry dance sequences because that has me loving everything that's happening.  I also love the frequent use of the fist pump by Lionel, it feels very natural like something I need to add to my repertoire.  I'm starting to get a more negative feeling from that ballerina dancing guy.  I feel like I really don't like him.  But then all the sudden the song completely changes and Lionel starts dancing. I'm back in love with everything.  Then Lionel tells me, "Believe in who you are, you are a shining star."  But still there's more shots of the ballerina guy and now he's got a band-aid on his forehead.  I'm assuming somebody must have hit him with something because he doesn't seem very likeable.

So at the end of watching that video I feel uncomfortable.  I don't want to know anything more about the movie those scenes are from but I do want to see Lionel make a few more fist pumps.  It is a little distressing because I want to watch the video again but I'm not sure I can handle it.  Its kind of like that feeling when you're at a buffet and you are already too full but because it is a buffet you know you have to go back for one more plateful.  I think that's what its like to love and hate something at the same time.

Summer Movie Preview - July and August

I'm just going to continue on with Ed's question here and examine the rest of the summer movies.

JULY
The Amazing Spiderman - Thankfully the call has been answered.  We've been desperate for another take on Spider-man and we finally get it.  Fortunately the costume has been completely updated.  We get to see the origin again (it's been ten years since the last time).  And this time Spider-man fights a lizard (something we've all been hoping for).  About time.  The only thing missing is the Rock.

The Dark Knight Rises - Yes this movie stars Tom Hardy.  This star of my number one movie of 2011 - Warrior.  Its unclear as to if he's playing the same character as the one in Warrior but he still is very much muscle bound and very angry.  Also, Christian Bale continues to use his Batman voice.  I for one vote that he just always use his Batman voice every time he talks.  I find his real accent somewhat unsettling.

The Watch - Formally known as Neighborhood Watch.  The name was changed due to the Trayvon Martin shooting.  It involves aliens I think but I'm not sure.  Most summer movies do involve aliens so we can just assume this one does too.

Step Up - Revolution - Continuing my huge endorsement of summer dance movies.  This one involves a real estate developer threatening a dance crew's neighborhood.  Basically like the Goonies but with a whole lot more dancing.

AUGUST
The Bourne Legacy - Something we all have been hoping for, a Jason Bourne movie that doesn't actually have Jason Bourne in it.  Thank you hollywood.

Total Recall - Colin Farrell jumps in for Arnold Scwharnzenagerr.  Only this time he doesn't go to Mars presumably because every movie set on Mars in the last decade has been a huge commercial failure.

The Expendables 2 - The fight between Stallone and Van Damme would alone be worth the price of admission.  On top of that we get Statham saying, "I now pronounce you man and knife."  Schawarnzeger saying, "I'm back," as if his tongue was massively swollen.  Stallone flying a plane into a cave.  Stallone saying that the plan is, "Track 'em, find 'em, kill 'em." Plus it has Bruce Willis.  The only thing I'm disappointed about is that there's still no Die Hard 5.

 Premium Rush - Joseph-Gordon Levitt is a bike messenger is some kind of awesome hurry.

Lawless - What do you get when you add the star of my favorite movie of 2011 (Tom Hardy from Warrior and the Dark Knight Rises) with my sister's favorite actor (Shia Labouef from Transformers, Disturbia, Indiana jones 4)?  You get Lawless an awesome bootlegging drama that's entire story gets told in the trailer.  I really enjoyed the trailer.  Go ahead and watch it.  It's probably all you need to do.

So there you go Ed.  I think you pretty much have your summer planned out now.

Summer Movie Preview - May and June

Dear Nurse Dave,
Can you whip together a Summer Movie Preview that lets me know what I need to see?
Ed, Baton Rouge, LA

You've come to the right man Ed.  I think I can walk you through the most important films of the summer.

MAY

The Avengers - I saw this one at 10am on openning day.  The theatre was filled with kids whose parents let them stay home from school to watch the Avengers.  The parents made the right decision, the movie was fantastic.

Dark Shadows - Johnny Depp is a vampire that wakes up in the 1970's and its a comedy.  The laughs come from Johnny Depp's funny make-up and the fact that a witch lady has had a crush on Johnny Depp for several hundred years.  I'd say let the kids go to school.

Battleship - The guy from John Carter is back with an even better movie.  He's on a battleship and aliens start attacking the Earth.  Its up to John Carter to stop the aliens and somehow link this plot to the board game Battleship.  I think he's going to do it.  Take the kids out of school for this one.  It is going to be an amazing ride.

Men In Black 3 - Will Smith makes another daring creative choice here.  This time the plot involves time travel.  The problem is that time travel isn't the solution for revitalizing a bad movie idea.  The Rock is (more on this later).

Moonrise Kingdom - Isn't interesting how many movies feature boyscouts in them without actually being able to use the term, "boyscout." This one has boyscouts probably referred to as Wilderness Patrol or something.  It also has Bill Murray so naturally I'm in.

JUNE

Snow White and the Huntsman - This is another movie with Thor in it.  Except this time I think he uses axes, not a hammer.

Battlefield America - This isn't a sweet alien invasion movie like Battleship and it isn't a sequel to Battle Los Angeles.  No this is according to the trailer, "The most anticipated kid's dance movie of the summer."  Fortunately most kids are out of school by the time this movie premiers so there isn't the moral question of wether or not to take them out of school.

Prometheus - This one has aliens, androids and ancient futuristic mysteries.  All of those things appeal to me on a lot of levels.  Especially androids, we really don't get enough of those.

Brave - Disney's newest princess is Scottish and from what I understand she isn't going to marry just anybody, plus there's a bear involved some how.  I hope that the bear sings a song.

GI Joe 2 - Finally a sequel that gets it right.  Kill off the entire cast from the first movie and then make the Rock the star.  Adding the Rock to a movie has worked every time (Fast 5, Journey 2 the list goes on) and I am certain its going to work this time.